Week Forty-Nine

Red Rider

A crowded Quest for the end of the year.  Jon, Cameron, Sage, and Alex all join us for this moderately better than average burrito.  They were all lucky that this week was not the Rambler.  For us regular Questers, we were lucky not to have a really crappy burrito for the last of the year.  To round things out we all do shots of salsa.

Ingredients: Red Chile Pork, Eggs, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Waking up on your day off at 7 o'clock, I like sleeping in on my days off a lot, it's vaguely disappointing, like you should be happy but you're not really happy.
Daniel - An ok action movie, like Live Free or Die Hard, somewhat enjoyable, not amazing.
Isaac - Snickers, it's my favorite candy bar, but I don't really like candy bars that much, among the things that I don't like that much it's the best.
Alex - Coke Zero, I like Coke Zero.
Cameron - Too full bowl of soup, and I don't like soup.
Jon - eBay rating of A++, I'd purchase with this burrito, but it's no A++++++.
Sage - Terry, the dog, a good companion, and I'd have one any day.

Week Forty-Eight

Rambler

Ugh...another veggie burrito.  Sage gets lucky (bad lucky) as he shows up for the holidays and quests with us.  So, veggies made a mess again, eggs were out of place, and the sour cream just contributed to the overall blandness.  Daniel equates it to the flip-side of the Gobbler coin, the one without any salt.  Sage booshes Ben, but good!

Ingredients: Veggies, Pico, Eggs, Sour Creme(sic), and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - A light on your dashboard that comes on when something on your car is broken, it's worse than if it was just the light itself that was broken and stayed on all the time.
Daniel - Adult contemporary music, there's nothing I like about it.
Isaac - The flu, the cold I'd like to have and I'm relatively up and able, it's not quite as bad as death, but you feel like it.
Sage - Ben, because you come a long way expecting something great, then it's inside you and you just want to throw up.

Week Forty-Seven

Pollo Loco

Another bbq burrito that redeems bbq sauce in burritos.  Very, very spicy as well.  Our quest has proof positive that is it influencing the masses.  Some guy ordered these same burritos based on the fact that we ordered them.  He quests with us for this night, elsewhere, unknowingly.  Poor guy.

Ingredients: 2 Chicken, Provolone, Pico, BBQ Sauce, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - The space shuttle, they're not going to make that anymore; you remember the space shuttle as being something cool, then you have a moment of sadness.
Daniel - Conan, any Conan, I like Conan, but when I read too many Conan stories I don't want Conan for a while.
Isaac - Miniature horses (or donkeys), you can't ride them, I don't know what purpose they serve, much like I don't know why you'd put bbq sauce in a burrito, but man are they cute.

Week Forty-Six

Mega Fajita

This burrito was screwed up by the burristra.  She also screwed up our companion Tony's.  All in all a bad day for Santa Fe Grill.  Also, it being a busy week, finals week including Hanukkah for Ben, we had burritos on an off night.  The missing ingredient may have saved this burrito.  There was less puddling than expected.

Ingredients: Steak, Chicken, Green Chile, Bacon, Veggies, Sour Creme(sic), and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Going home for lunch, I really like going home for lunch but I wish it was longer, and I wish when I went home for lunch there was more sour cream.
Daniel - Carl's Jr., because based on their pastrami burger commercial, I would expect to hate anything from Carl's Jr., but they actually make some pretty delicious food.
Isaac - Moon Pies, they're pretty good, usually I have them on road trips then I forget about them, and then I find them again at the gas station and, holy shit, these are badass, and I don't regret it.

Week Forty-Five

Medicine Man

Two decent burritos in a row.  It's a burrito miracle!  Isaac waxes philosophical about the Deer Hunter, which this burrito resembles.  Grits and hash browns are not the same food.  Daniel thinks balancing dry and moist materials makes a successful burrito.  Ben thinks pico makes a successful burrito.  Neither know what they hell they are talking about.

Ingredients: Steak, Chicken, Bacon, Potato, Green Chile, Milanesa, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Buzz Aldrin, not Buzz Lightyear, he's an astronaut isn't he?  He went to the moon, he punched a reporter.  I don't know much about him, but I don't have any negative feelings toward him.
Daniel - Black Jack, it's about my favorite game to play when I go to Vegas.  It's not playing video poker at the bar and getting free drinks for only $10 worth of quarters though.
Isaac - Guinness Stout, a really good stout, I would give anyone just trying out a stout a Guinness Stout.  I have stouts that I like more but I'm never above ordering a Guinness.

Week Forty-Four

Medic

This burrito redeemed bbq burritos for Daniel.  Isaac, not so much.  Ben...well, Ben like bbq whether it's on a burrito or a turd.  Tony makes a cameo with some kind of non-standard sausage burrito.  MEDIC!

Ingredients: 2 Chicken, Green Chile, Pico, BBQ Sauce, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Dodgeball, I have really fond memories of dodgeball and I would play dodgeball right now if I had a ball.
Daniel - Kickball, kickball's fun, whether you have a really big ball or not.
Isaac - Trick or Treating and getting only hard candy, you want the chocolate, you want the gummi candies, some fucker gives you a cough drop.
Tony - I wouldn't throw my shoe at it out of disrespect.

Week Forty-Three

Meat Lovers

Sausage made this burrito gross.  Well, maybe it was just a pork overload, but the grease came from the sausage, so...  Again, the burrito collapsed, this time pouring grease out as it went.  Ugh.  Grease.

Ingredients: Ham, Sausage, Bacon, Potato, Pico, Eggs, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Sage, 1) You should never ingest this into your body, just like Sage, 2) It's called Meat Lovers...just like Sage.
Daniel - Homework on the first day of school, who the fuck assigns homework on the first day of school, it cuts into your drinking time, this is a notch above the Gobbler.
Isaac - Dan's big notched belt, that sounds weird and kind of gross.

Week Forty-Two

Mean Greener

Sloppy and messy, just like last week.  Questing this burrito felt repetitive and unnecessary.  Also, more arguments with Ben about pork.  Or salmon.  Whatever, Ben!  Why don't you go on cock quest with Tony and Sage!

Ingredients: Green Chile Pork, Bean, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Solar eclipse, where everybody gets (not an erection) super powers, or planet-wide erectile dysfunction.  Hmm, how about a lunar eclipse...
Daniel - Dinner at Si Senor, I'd rather eat at any other Mexican restaurant in Las Cruces, except for La Posta.
Isaac - Socks, just plain white socks, the blandest pair of socks.

Week Forty-One

Mean Green 

A mess of a burrito, it felt squishy like a tortilla filled with mud.  Our previous run-ins with crappy burrito construction prepared us though and complete burrito meltdown was largely avoided.  Mmm...burrito smoothie.  NO GOBBLERS!

Ingredients: Green Chile Meat, Beans, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, the movie, it should have been good, and was in places.  Or like Star Wars I, some parts of that were pretty good but overall it was a mess.
Daniel - Nachos from the movie theater, their kind of messy and they're not good nachos.  I'd order just about any other burrito (no gobblers) than deal with this mess again.
Isaac -  The Hindenburg.

Halloween Special Edition

Iron Man Redux

With the recording for Week Thirty-One lost for all time we decided to do a little something special to commemorate the dead episode.  And what better time to do that than Halloween weekend.  We may not have the recording, but we do have the chat transcript in which Daniel gets mad at Ben and Isaac for questing without him.  We also have awesome significant others, who graciously agreed to provide their voices for the dramatic reading of said transcript.  We hope you enjoy.  Happy Burrito-Ween!

Ingredients: Amy, Carrie, and Jenni

Ratings:
Ben - This may be the best episode of Burrito Quest we've ever done.
Daniel - Badass!
Isaac - HAHA!

Week Forty

Mario Bros.
This was the Junkyard Dog, minus the chicken and steak added.  A divisive burrito for our Questers.  Ben reveals his contempt for people who are not him.  Daniel yells at Ben.  Isaac tries to bridge the gap.  There is reminiscence about old Nintendo games.  Of course there is.

Ingredients: Steak, Ham, Potato, Bacon, Green Chile, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Little salsa cup, the only reason you care is if you don't get enough of them and need them for the burrito to be good.
Daniel - Mario Bros. on the Nintendo, I loved that game, but not as much as Zelda.
Isaac - Waffles, I like waffles, I like pancakes better, every once in a while it's good but if I had it too regularly I'd probably side with Ben.

Week Thirty-Nine

Mankind

The Devil's Breath, minus one Steak and plus one Chicken.  A strange, tomato-y, spicy flavor turns the burrito into some kind of good/bad jambalaya, without the rice.  A good burrito.  SPICE!

Ingredients: Steak, Chicken, Potato, Pico, Green Chile, Salsa, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Land mines, sometimes they're good, depending on who they're blowing up.  I like landmines, but I feel like I shouldn't.
Daniel - The Steel Remains by Richard K. Morgan, it's a good book that steps outside of what fantasy novels normally do, but, man, there are some really uncomfortable gay sex scenes.
Isaac - A surprise birthday party, it's a mixed bag, someone went out of their way for you, but then you get stupid drunk and wake up hung over the next morning and wish you had just stayed home to eat cake and watch gay sex.

Week Thirty-Eight

Macho Man

How quickly Ben forgets the Junkyard Dog.  This is another burrito that collapses in-hand.  Ultimately a kind of forgettable and unnecessary burrito.  Ben, shut up about Taco Bell already!

Ingredients: Chicken, Bacon, Beans, Eggs, and Milanesa

Ratings:
Ben - Road rash, but only if you're going kind of slow, you weren't doing anything cool but you got kind of hurt.
Daniel - Wet naps, it's for people who get messy when they eat, and they don't taste that great.
Isaac - Road trips with friends when you're coming back from wherever you went, it becomes just an endurance test.

Week Thirty-Seven

Lumberjack

Our largest Quest ever, we have three guest questers, one all the way from Alabama.  Who knew anyone was actually listening to this?  Marty brings some class to the Quest by eating his burrito with scotch while wearing a dress jacket.  Ben disappoints by shaving off his lumberjack-like beard before we eat the Lumberjack.  Man, do we bust on Sage a lot on Burrito Quest.

Ingredients: Steak, Ham, Bacon, Egg, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Swine flu, 1) I just thought of swine flu because we're talking about pork, 2) and I thought I had swine flu a little while ago and it wasn't that bad, for most people they can have it and they're going to be ok.
Daniel - Dr. Zoidberg, my second favorite character on Futurama, on the Futurama scale this is a solid Dr. Zoidberg.
Isaac - Pancakes at Village Inn, I've had better pancakes but those are a good standby.
Jenni - It's a ride on a swing, it isn't the greatest thing ever, but I can't seem to stop myself when I see one.
Robert - 4/5, it's definitely one that I would buy again, and it's one of the few times one of these burritos has made me full.
Marty - Great hangover burrito, it's got all your bulk and grease in one place, 4 Advils and a Gatorade.

Week Thirty-Six

Logger

The burritos were very small this week.  That was probably a saving grace for the Logger, as the meatiness may have been overwhelmingly salty if it had been as big as they usually are.  Although we feel somewhat cheated by the size, we are all much less bloated when we're done.  All in all this burrito is right up there with El Gringo, it's for folks who don't want any chance of spice in their burrito.

Ingredients: Steak, Ham, Chicken, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Emo music, it has good roots but it doesn't appear to be worth anything, then sometimes you're surprised.
Daniel - Pirate's of the Caribbean, it should have been awful but it ended up being fun and enjoyable.
Isaac - Children under the age of 13, they're very picky about what they like...but then Ben interrupts and who knows what Isaac was going to say.

Week Thirty-Five

Kid Dynamite

Return of the Afterburner, plus a relleno.  This burrito had a lot to live up to, and it did in spades.  This may be the best burrito in the whole Quest.  In keeping with recent episodes, Daniel makes a huge mess.  Ben pimps Taco Bell Quest, some inferior quest he's embarking on.

Ingredients: Chorizo, Relleno, Green Chile, Pico, Beans, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Like walking through a cool and comfortable city and someone walks up and hands you some good beer...and this burrito.
Daniel - I love you burrito!
Isaac - I want another one of these right now!

Week Thirty-Four

Junkyard Dog

Again, burrito construction was less than optimal, but this time everyone's burrito shits the bed.  Isaac pulls a Sage and starts texting during the Quest.  Ben refuses to prove he's not castrated.

Ingredients: Chicken, Ham, Potato, Bacon, Green Chile, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Memorial Day weekend, obviously it had to have happened but I don't remember what I did, but it was probably ok.
Daniel - Toast and coffee, a pretty standard breakfast, a somewhat tasty burrito but just mediocre overall.
Isaac - Household pets, I like 'em but you have to clean up their shit but they're expensive and a crap-ton of work.  And yes, we're talking about Tony.

Week Thirty-Three

Joker's Wild

A big burrito, Daniel's collapsed under it's own weight and made a mess everywhere.  He ended up eating the guts of his burrito off the wrapper.  Man, overall this is a really boring recording.

Ingredients: Chicken, Potato, Pico, Green Chile, Salsa, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Somebody bringing you fast food, as opposed to having to go get it yourself.  It's a mixed blessing.
Daniel - Having burritos that are pretty good with your pals, I wish the Iron Man could have been like that.
Isaac - Like if you have one friend that you don't want to show up, so you don't tell him what's going on, and he's an asshole....NOT!

Week Thirty-Two

Jerry Springer

This recording was less structured, if that's possible.  We just kind of started the recording and rambled for a while.  Ok, so it's kind of like most of the other recordings: we talk nonsense about some mediocre burrito.  It was the first burrito after the Iron Man, so there's a lot of discussion about that too.

Ingredients: Turkey, Potato, Egg, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Slow moving traffic, when you're in slow moving traffic you cease to care about where you're headed.
Daniel - Riding an elephant in Thailand, good/bad 'cause you get to ride an elephant, but that elephant may be being mistreated when you're not there.
Isaac - Some food that my roommate Tony would make, this could have been an ok burrito but it could have had a lot more to it.
$teve - Generic vanilla ice cream, it could use something to go with it, but it's generally just ok.

Week Thirty-One

Iron Man

The lost burrito.  Ben and Isaac decided not to wait till later in the week and went ahead and Quested with $teve while Daniel was out of town for work.  Daniel got really pissed, Isaac apologized, and Ben blamed the whole thing on Isaac.  Tellingly, the recording of their betrayal was deleted from $teve's mp3 player by his daughter.  Here's a small sample of how Daniel felt after the fact:

"A-holes! Most of my rage at you crackers questing without me now stems from the fact that I ate the Iron Man and its mediocrity was appalling. I hear y'all thought it was delicious. Also, eating these crappy burritos alone is just sad. Fuck you guys."

Ingredients: Chicken, Rice, Green Chile, and Salsa

Ratings:
Ben - ???
Daniel - It tasted like betrayal.
Isaac - ???
$teve - ???

Week Thirty

Green Mile

Ben makes up for his Gobbler absence by eating the Gobbler right before he eats the Green Mile.  A true Burrito Knight!  Amy joins us again, and again (smartly) chooses to go her own way in choosing a burrito.

Ingredients: Green Chile Pork, Pico, Beans, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - A dream that you forget after you wake up, I just ate the Green Mile, and the Gobbler, and I can't remember what the Green Mile tasted like.
Ben (Gobbler) - Cold chili, that wasn't very good to begin with, maybe with a bunch of salt in it too.  Or, shitting in your sleep.
Daniel - Going to a kind of nice part of Mexico, it's probably going to be a pretty cheap vacation, maybe a little bit spicy 'cause you're in Mexico, but other than that it's just gonna be ok.
Isaac - Mediocre drunk food, I had 8 beers before I came here, I liked it but probably only because I was drunk.

Week Twenty-Nine

Gobbler

Ben was not in attendance due to his anniversary and travel plans compressing possible Quest dates.  Jenni and Alex stood in, and they did an admirable job.  Oh, the burrito...Worst.  Burrito. Ever.  Or to date anyway.

Ingredients: Turkey, Ham, Veggies, Pico, and Cheese

Ratings:
Daniel - Going to the dentist, there's nothing good about this burrito.
Isaac - A steaming pile of shit.
Alex - Way worse than that hair in the back of my throat that I can't get rid of.
Jenni - A nasty roadside buffet in the middle of nowhere, like in Texarkana, it's Texarkana bad.

Week Twenty-Eight

Eye Opener

The first bite was ok, but it got exponentially worse as we ate it.  A burrito we universally disliked due to its greasiness. If you don't listen to this podcast, you won't be able to hear this burrito get rated as waking up in the same place you threw up. So do it!  Ben's face in the picture tells the tale.

Ingredients: Sausage, Veggies, Green Chile, Egg, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Waking Up In The Same Place You Threw Up, you must have done something good to get there but...
Daniel - Doing Handyman Work Yourself and Discovering You Did a Bad Job, 'cause when you're doing it it's rewarding, but in the end all you made was a rewarding mess.
Isaac - Being an Asshole When You Don't Even Know It, and finding out later then owing someone money for it.
$teve - Cheetos, dangerously cheesy.

Week Twenty-Seven

Extreme Relleno

We all liked this one a lot, but it was kinda greasy and drooled out of the burrito. $teve had to eat his with a fork, except he opted to not use a fork.

Ingredients: Relleno, Beans, Green Chile Meat, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - No Speed Limits...Montana.
Daniel - An Afterburner, I really like it.
Isaac - 1 Salsa Cup, didn't even need that one, and I used the salsa cup for flavor, not moisture.
$teve - 4 Napkins, messy but worth it.

Week Twenty-Six

Extreme Chicken

Sage reprises his role on Burrito Quest to try to overcome the shame of his cell phone disaster last time.  A very hefty, slightly spicy, burrito.  What the eff is up with Sage's rating for this burrito?

Ingredients: Chicken, Rice, Potato, Salsa, Green Chile, Provolone, and (regular) Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - A Torpedo, from submarines, 'cause torpedoes are awesome.  I liked it.
Daniel - Ski Jump, 'cause it's eXtreme, I wouldn't do the ski jump, but I'd watch it.  It was ok, but too much, and I wouldn't get it again.
Isaac - Cardboard Pizza, you have the cardboard with delicious stuff on top of it but after a while you realize you are eating cardboard.
Sage - Extreme Bob Diesel, or Vin Diesel, it makes me think I'm sticking Vin Diesel in my mouth.

Week Twenty-Five

El Gringo

Sage joins us from the Great Northwest for this bland, made-for-whiteys, burrito.  We discuss burrito acclimation.  And Ben agrees with Sage!  Seriously, it's on there.  Sage, the first person who's cell phone has rang on Burrito Quest.

Ingredients: Steak, Chicken, Beans, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - A Zeppelin, they're pretty cool.
Daniel - Generic pizza, it's not bad, but it's not good.
Isaac - A burrito from the Santa Fe Grill non-specialty menu, just a regular burrito.
Sage - Something you can get in Washington, like crappy Mexican food.

Week Twenty-Four

El Bandito

Compared unfavorably to the Buddha, bbq sauce proves once again that it has no place in burritos.  Ben disagrees with everyone about how bad this burrito because he can't taste the butt.

Ingredients: Chicken, Potato, Green Chile, Salsa, and BBQ Sauce

Ratings:
Ben - A Porcupine, a cool animal.  Not better than the Afterburner, however.
Daniel - Yard work in the summer, it the hottest part of the day, it sucks.
Isaac - Dan's rating last week, a horrible burrito and possibly the worst we've had so far.  I wouldn't eat it if it was free.
$teve - Floor scrapings burrito.

Week Twenty-Three

Diablo's Relleno

The most divisive burrito so far, with possible deep throating.  Plus Tony.  There's no Mexican bacteria, but there was a black guy.  Little orphan Annie accusations fly and Isaac allegedly rates the burrito at some point.  Beer philosophy figures prominently.

Ingredients: Chicken, Relleno, Beans, Milanesa, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - The moon.  I really like the moon and I'd go there tomorrow.  Wait, this burrito is better than the moon because I can't go to the moon tomorrow but I can get this burrito.
Daniel - I wouldn't get it again, not even sure I am gonna pay you back for it. I'ma rate this an Old Milwaukee.  I like beer but I don't like Old Milwaukee.  No, I'm gonna rate it Milwaukee's Best, because actually Old Milwaukee is okay.
Isaac - If it was free I'd eat it.  I would not eat one right after this, but I would freeze it.

Week Twenty-Two

Devil's Breath

Beefy and spicy, this was a top tier burrito.  Be warned that we comment on our general distrust of old white lady burritoristras.  Also, I think Ben gets generally perturbed in this episode, a rare sight to behold.

Ingredients: Two Steak, Potatoes, Cheese, Pico, Salsa, and Green Chile

Ratings:
Ben - A Snowball, made of snow, not the one from Clerks, it's pretty cool (even cold) and you don't have one very often.
Daniel - Shotgun t-shirt from Threadless.com, not my favorite (that'd be the Adultery t-shirt) but still a great shirt.
Isaac - Dreadlocks, they look cool, but not on white guys, and on white women it just means they're easy, and on drugs.

Week Twenty-One

Deer Hunter

The return of the Saac Man.  Isaac returns from Ireland just in time to eat his favorite burrito from Santa Fe Grill.  We get bbq sauce in lieu of some of the salsa cups.  There's a fight about pronunciation of scones (sconns?).  Ben was very late, and everyone hated for it.  Specifically a very hungry Daniel.

Ingredients: Steak, Chicken, Green Chile, Milanesa, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - A plastic potted plant, I like them but they're not as good as a real plant.
Daniel - First meal of the day, because it's honest and I don't want to overrate it since it is my first meal of the day.
Isaac -A Jammy Dodger, a little cookie with jam in it.  They got the jams...the cookie...  I don't know what I was gonna say.  Translates to pretty good.
Alex - It was an afternoon delight.

Week Twenty

Combo Fajita

"This burrito was surprisingly tasty, so much so that I recommended it to [Isaac] when he returned from the United Kingdom. I would get this again. I would recommend this to friends and relatives. I have no pictures of this burrito. EAT IT. " - Ben

Ingredients: Steak, Chicken, Veggies, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Space marines, sometimes you're in the mood for space marines, like with Aliens, but Starship Troopers 2, no.
Daniel - A refreshing beer after a hard day's work on the yard, something light and refreshing, like a Bud Light, because that's when a Bud Light tastes the best.
$teve - Frozen apple pie, it's not like you cooked it yourself or ordered it at a restaurant, but it's still apple pie.

Week Nineteen

Chicken Club

We narrowly avert Burrito Quest disaster when we discover the Chicken Club is a burrito and not a sandwich.  $teve (and fam) begins his journey with us, standing in while Isaac was overseas, and sticking with it for longer than most would have.  And it should be noted that $teve is a trained chef.  That means his opinion means more, and he's hurting himself more by doing this, at the same time.  I don't think we ever tell people what the ingredients were.  WTF!

Ingredients:Chicken, Bacon, Green Chile, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Finding a dollar in your pants pocket, or on the ground.  Somewhere between finding an empty cup to a cold Coke Zero on the ground.
Daniel - Hulk Hogan, as you eat it it gets better, like Hogan's comebacks in the wrestling wring.  But then I don't really like wrestling, so that might put it in perspective.
$teve - A Jack-in-the-Box taco, pretty crunchy all around and it gets soggier as you get to the bottom.

Week Eighteen

Burrito Too Far

Our first week whilst Isaac was traipsing around Ireland.  Daniel's nephew Cameron joined us in his stead.

". . . like all burritos, this was 50% delicious and 50% disappointing. Steak, milanesa, relleno, cheese, egg, and 50% less swearing. You could have removed any one of the ingredients and created a finer food product. This burrito proves that there is such a thing as too much of a good thing, and also too much of a bad thing." - Ben

Ingredients: Steak, Relleno, Cheese, Egg, and Milanesa

Ratings:
Ben - Cupcakes.  Where the frosting is really good.  You eat the frosting off, and then you're left with this cupcake.  Or Oreos.  Oreos are good, but you could just eat the cream filling.
Daniel - Haggis in Ireland.  If you didn't know any better, you'd think you're getting something authentic and awesome, but then, after you ate it, it probably wouldn't be as good as if you got it in Scotland.
Cameron - Burnt piece of toast.  It's really crispy and it's too crispy.

Week Seventeen

Burrito Stuffer

This burrito was overpriced for what you get.  You'd be better off ordering just the Choice of... stuff listed below and having them add rice to it.  Also, we discover that they inexplicably add corn to their rice.  There is much excitement over the possibility of putting grits in burritos.  Also, Daniel gets indignant over Sonic breakfast casserole in a tortilla.

Ingredients: Rice, Cheese, and Choice of Green Chile Meat, Green Chile Pork, or Red Chile Pork

Ratings:
Ben - Star Trek.  I went into it with high expectations and I got exactly what I wanted.  Fuck Jean-Claude Van Damme.
Daniel - A Hubble with the first fix, it went well beyond its lifespan, then they fixed it again and it's even better, but it's not that good.  Fuck yeah, dude!
Isaac - Jean-Claude Van Damme in Blood Sport.  Because I don't really like Van Damme, but when Bloodsport is on, surprisingly, I like Bloodsport.  I'll watch it, and I'll enjoy it.  There's a lot of naked bitches.

Week Sixteen

Buddha

An awful burrito.  The burritos were cold when we got them, which we were pretty sure they were not meant to be.  Also, bbq sauce has no place in a burrito.  According to everyone but Ben, who's some kind of wishy-washy asshole.

Ingredients: Chicken, Potato, Salsa, BBQ Sauce, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Roller Coaster, or Stop and Go Traffic, or Not Having Air Conditioning in Your Car.  I'm not liking this burrito the more I eat it.  Wait, I'd order this burrito again.
Daniel - Grape nuts, when you were expecting Fruity Pebbles.  Lousy like this burrito.
Isaac - Having to take showers at a gym, you don't wanna cause there's all sorts of dudes in there, but you have to cause you're stinky.

Week Fifteen

Brunch

The finale of the Breakfast Trek.  We discuss Isaac's impending departure from the country and how that will affect the Quest.  Also, fyi, Burrito Quest is not a contest.  Heh, Daniel misnames a burrito, "The Burrito Too Fat."

Ingredients: Steak, Potato, Egg, Green Chile, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Like three weeks ago, I don't remember three weeks ago.  I've already forgotten this burrito.
Daniel - 80 degrees in my house, not really good but better than being 90 degrees in my house.
Isaac - Humpday, Wednesday, it's closer to the weekend but it's not Friday.

Week Fourteen

Breakfast Nightmare

Third week of the Breakfast Trek.  Alex cameos for the second time.  Ben advocates for Cock Quest and we immediately reject it.  Not that there's anything wrong with that.  Alex wrecks an English accent.

Ingredients: Potato, Egg, Salsa, Pico, Choice of Ham, Sausage, Chorizo, or Bacon

Ratings:
Ben - A Surprise Cold Soda, or a Stapler that has Stapler in it, or Getting into your car and having a full tank of gas.
Daniel - Cocoa Puffs, I don't like 'em that much but they're pretty good occasionally.
Isaac - Wet Dream, I could wake up and not have had one, but I did.  Solid Wet Dream.
Alex - Solid 7/10, versus a soft 7/10.  Limp burros never taste good.

Week Thirteen

Breakfast Dream
We are joined on this Friday Burrito Quest by Ben's wife, Amy.  She opted out of the Breakfast Dream.  This was the first burrito in which we had a choice of meats.  Ben made an executive decision to just get chorizo.  I disagree and thought it should have been grab bag; three choices and the luck of the draw.  Ben tries to steal everyone else's ratings.

Ingredients: Potatoes, Egg, Chees, Choice of Bacon, Ham, Sausage, or Chorizo

Ratings:
Ben - One small pancake, because if there were two pancakes I'd rather eat that.  Or having a couple of friends, one of which doesn't judge you.
Daniel - One salsa cup, it needed the salsa but the salsa didn't detract from the flavor it enhanced it.
Isaac - B, for butts.

Image courtesy of http://onecreativegirl.blogspot.com/

Week Twelve

Breakfast Bomber

The first burrito in our month long Breakfast Trek.  It's a good start to that trek.  Lots of flavor, hearty, and not too breakfast-y.  Isaac tries to rape Ben's burrito.  The idea of Drunken Burrito Quest is broached.  Also Ben's rating is some kind of imaginary feeling.

Ingredients: Steak, Chorizo, Bacon, Potatoes, Eggs, Beans, Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - A Good Sequel, 'cause you were expecting the sequel to be bad, but it turned out good.  Or maybe Coke Zero.
Daniel - Life Cereal, I like Life Cereal, it's a good staple, and it's delicious, but it's no Honey Bunches of Oats.
Isaac - Stephen King, he puts out a lot of stuff that's hit or miss, but when he hits, he hits.

Week Eleven

Big Red
"Fuck. This was. . . fuck. It was kind of a vaguely disappointing disaster. The meat was flavorless and indistinct. It might have been pork. It might have been chicken. Who knows? The beans were excessive, and smeared together to make the whole burrito taste like a bad bean burrito. The potatoes were mushy and also indistinct. It might have been beans. It might have been potato. Who knows? All in all, kind of lame and sad, but also basic and a staple. I'd love this burrito if I had previously drunk four beers. Also, [Isaac] showed up drunk, hit me, tried to throw sugary popcorn at the diabetic dog, and went around the house looking for gay Mexicans he could watch Twilight with. Solid 3." - Ben

Ingredients: Red Chile Pork, Beans, Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - 4 beers before I really like this burrito.
Daniel - Driving home from work; I'm not at work, but I'm commuting, right there in the middle.
Isaac - Afternoon Delight, it's unexpected even though it's what you do every night...or morning.

Week Ten

Big Daddy
“This was the Big Asada + Guac. It was pretty good, but it might just have been good because it wasn't the Big D, which we ate on Saturday. Ugh. The Guac really enhanced the steak - and salsa really makes this burrito a success. I wanted another as soon as I finished it. I give this burrito a solid thumbs up.” - Ben

Ingredients: 3 Steak, Pico, Potato, Cheese, Guacamole

Ratings:
Ben - Solid handshake (or maybe handjob), I appreciate that I had it and I’d have another given my druthers.
Daniel - Ballcap, better than a visor but not as good as cowboy hat for shade.
Isaac - Sunny but windy day, it’s kind of windy so your allergies are getting activated, but it’s still sunny, and you could fly a kite.

Week Nine

Big D
“This was a bad burrito. It was just. . . man. Chicken and potato go together like a kindergarten class and ten vats of lard. It's just fucking awful. I would eat this burrito if I was starving, but only then. The burritos the guy was making while he made this one were ham, egg, cheese, and green chile, and I wish we had just eaten those instead.” - Ben

Ingredients: Chicken, Bacon, Potato, Pico, Egg, Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Apples, most of the time I don’t want to eat one. (2.5/5)
Daniel - Hard-backed folding chair, not too comfortable but better than sitting on the ground.
Isaac - Chicken pox, we’ve all had it but it wasn’t too bad.
Jenni - 6/10 

Week Eight

Big Chief
“This burrito shocked me. The ingredients blended together in a creamy embrace of chicken and steak, with the rice and pico double-teaming the meat for a milenasa explosion. This thing was bulging with flavor, and the cheese mattered. We touched burritos for one brief moment, and then it was gone.” - Ben

Ingredients: Steak, Chicken, Pico, Rice, Milanesa, Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - 4/5, Sore Throat
Daniel - Common Cold
Isaac - 6/10, Common Cold

Week Seven

Big Bad Aggie
We tried to shorten our running time by starting the recording after we’d already begun eating.  It didn’t really work.  Dry and less than flavorful, all-in-all a pretty lousy burrito.  Daniel pioneers the qualitative rating system.

Ingredients: Chicken, Potato, Beans, Salsa, Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - 1.5/5
Daniel - Stomach Flu
Isaac - 3/10

Week Six

Big Asada
This was the first Quest-isode that took place on a night other than Monday, due to a Saac birthday interruption.  A very steak-y burrito.  The steak and potato combo was worrying at first, but the chopped, juicy nature of the steak forestalled the expected dryness.  Ben’s assitude regarding the ‘Solid’ descriptor begins.

Ingredients: 3 Steak, Pico, Potato, Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - 3.5/5
Daniel - 3.5/5
Isaac - 3/5

Week Five

Atomic Belt Buster

Our second cameo, this time by Alejandro.  This burrito featured finely chopped steak, vice the chunky sort seen the past.  A great improvement.  Also, Alex does shots of salsa, which was apparently very exciting.

Ingredients: Steak, Bacon, Pico, Green Chile, Beans, Rice

Ratings:
Ben - 3.5/5
Daniel - 3/5
Isaac - 3/5
Alex - 3/5
 

Week Four

Angry Beaver

This was, essentially, the All American, only improved by replacing the bacon with sour cream.  It added some much needed moisture...to the beaver.

Ingredients: Steak, Chicken, Potato, Sour Cream, Green Chile, Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - 3/5
Daniel - 2.5/5
Isaac - 2.5/5

Week Three

All American

“Holy craps was this burrito huge. And dry. The burrito needed copious amounts of salsa to make us feel we weren't eating crumbled paper stuffed inside a tortilla. Also, the bacon and green chile take a backseat to the domineering meats ( steak and chicken) and the taste suppressing overlord that is potato. In my opinion, the potato was probably the biggest knock against this combination. The bland ingredient served really no purpose but to increase the overall mass of the burrito. The cheese was actually tasted this time and added a slightly moist compliment to an otherwise drought ridden swimming pool of mashed food.” - Isaac

Ingredients: Steak, Chicken, Potato, Bacon, Green Chile, Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - 2/5
Daniel - 2/5
Isaac - 2/5
Jenni (our first cameo) - 2/5

Week Two

Afterburner

This burrito has become the stuff of legends.  Messy as all hell but spicy and delicious.  Also, we all agree that everyone rated this burrito much lower than it deserved.

Ingredients: Chorizo, Beans, Pico, Cheese

Ratings:

Ben - 3/5

Daniel - 3/5

Isaac - 3.75/5

Week One

Aardvark

The beginning.  Sound quality is crappy, and this episode is very short.  The whole recording thing really started on a whim, so we got going only after we were almost done.  Blame the sound quality on me grabbing an mp3 player that was to hand and hitting record.  Some would say it only gets better from here.  I dunno.

Ingredients: 2 Steak, Potato, Salsa, Cheese

Ratings:

Ben - 6/10

Daniel - 6/10

Isaac - 4/10