Taco Bell - XXXL Grilled Stuft Burrito: Steak

 Back to Taco Bell, we feel that we may have endangered Triple Trek.  We are apparently correct as this becomes our crowning failure of the BQ3.  Ben is confounded by his attraction to this burrito.  Daniel crows a lot about recording on the road.  Without realizing it we have a discussion about what has been best on BQ3, perhaps wrapping the Trek unknowingly.  Then we make a lot of plans that were never realized, like investigating a possible burrito from Buffalo Wild Wings.

Ingredients: "The XXL Grilled Stuft Burrito is our biggest burrito yet, STUFT full of grilled, marinated steak, a three cheese blend, flavorful seasoned rice, hearty beans, reduced-fat sour cream, chunky guacamole, avocado ranch and fiesta salsa, wrapped up in a warm flour tortilla." 

Ratings:
Ben - King Kong. A big giant ape man climbs up a building.
Daniel - Kickball.  Playing kickball, it's pretty fun.

BQ3 - Episode Twelve
"This Is The Best Burrito I've Ever Eaten" by Parry Gripp, used with permission.  http://parrygripp.com/ 

La Posta - Red Chile con Carne

If our math is correct, this is Burrito Quest's 100th recording!  It is truly a momentous occasion, made more-so by Isaac and Amy joining us.  La Posta, while not quality-wise up to the task is, given their volume of customers, probably a decent choice for our 100th.  It is an old establishment that caters to the tourist crowds by the thousands.  We variously compare the burrito to assembly-line burritos, fund-raising enchilada lunches, and high schools full of buttholes.  Ben tries, in light of Tracy Morgan's recent anti-gay rant, to rationalize his previous comments about the man.  Isaac gets accused of having no friends but burrito friends.  Daniel argues, despite prior audio evidence to the contrary, that he does not, indeed, hate red chile.  Recent blog comments are discussed.  Many thanks to Traci, Nate, and Anonymous for the feedback.  Past burritos, mostly the bad ones, are fondly remembered.  Here's to 100 more!

Ingredients: "Rolled flour tortilla stuffed with...[red] chile con carne. Served with rice and garnish." 

Ratings:

Ben - A flashing yellow light at an intersection; it's kind of interesting but you forget about afterwards.

Daniel - A crappy universal remote control; it does a job, but probably not very well.

Isaac - Sitting on your testicles; it happens, you have to adjust, and it makes you cautious about sitting down the rest of the day.

BQ3 - Episode Eleven
"This Is The Best Burrito I've Ever Eaten" by Parry Gripp, used with permission.  http://parrygripp.com/ 

Taco Bell - Chicken Grilled Stuft Burrito

Taco Bell trek gets Stuft! That's right, 'Stuft!'  It's how you know they're hip.  This burrito is Taco Bell's second highest in caloric content, bested only by the beef version of the Grilled Stuft Burrito.  Daniel's go-to Taco Bell food, his opinion was preordained.  Ben eats it and hates that he likes it, kind of like a baby who's mad at his butthole because it hurts when he poops.  The idea of the Burrito Casserole raises it's ugly head again, this time horrifically solidified a bit more.  It cometh, the Burrsserole, like some herald of Armageddon.

Ingredients - "A large, warm, soft flour tortilla wrapped around grilled, marinated all-white-meat chicken, hearty beans, seasoned rice, a blend of three real cheeses – cheddar, pepper jack and mozzarella – creamy pepper jack sauce, and fiesta salsa, then grilled to perfection."

Ratings:
Ben - Getting a 1% raise.  At first it seems like it sucks, but then, it's a raise, but still kind of sad.  This is really a good thing?  But I'm angry that I'm happy at it.
Daniel - Skunk Ape. In the swamps of Florida there is a bigfoot, and that bigfoot is the Skunk Ape.  The ingredients in this burrito are cryptic, much like the cryptid that is a the Skunk Ape.

BQ3 - Episode Ten
"This Is The Best Burrito I've Ever Eaten" by Parry Gripp, used with permission.  http://parrygripp.com/ 

Nellie's - Green Chile Banado

Nellie's, finally.  Nellie's is a family-owned Mexican food place that is popular enough that over the years they have actually trimmed their hours so that they are only open until 2pm.  In addition they regularly just shut down for two weeks at a shot for both Xmas and Summer Vacation.  None of this impacts the crowds of people one will regularly see waiting outside in the hot sun every day around lunch.  In fact, this is one of the restaurants that emboldened us to embark on Lunch Trek in the first place.  They do make a pretty good burrito.  Sage and Amy join us; Sage as a quester, Amy as a rolled taco eater.  Daniel could have asked his brother for a recommendation from Nellie's, but that would have been what we got anyway, so...  There is much discussion about the Rapture, and whether this episode would indeed have ever been heard.  Given the tardiness of this posting, the fears were justified.

Ingredients - Green Chile, Pork, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Going to the movies, I never really want to go out of my way to go to the movies, but then I think 'I can get popcorms there.'  And then when I'm at the movies it's fun and I wonder why I don't do it more often.
Daniel - Riding really fast on your bicycle as a kid, it's really fun.  You feel awesome, and your a kid, and you're like 'Check me out!'
Sage - About 2 beers, I'm a little burrito drunk.  Got a good burruzz on.

BQ3 - Episode Nine
"This Is The Best Burrito I've Ever Eaten" by Parry Gripp, used with permission.  http://parrygripp.com/ 

Pepper's - Chimichanga Con Queso

Pepper's is the front end cafe (read: less fancy) for what is likely the most expensive restaurant in Las Cruces; The Double Eagle.  A true chimichanga, in all its fried glory, one would expect exceptional quality given the outrageous price of this burrito.  One would be disappointed.  We certainly were.  It wasn't a bad burrito, so much as thoroughly unexceptional.  We even try to dumb it down to our blue collar standards by ordering it with Seasoned Taco Beef.  This only reminded us how far from Taco Bell we had traveled.  Also, we must have blown our load the past weekend with so many guests on the quest, as we sound generally drained and dull through much of the recording.  Amy joins us with a burger and fries from the same establishment, and they turn out to be even worse than the chimichanga.  Ben continues to eat vegetarian, Burrito Quest notwithstanding.  Daniel worries about likely running out of burrito establishments in Mesilla sooner than expected.

Ingredients: "Seasoned Chicken Breast, Slow Roasted Beef or Seasoned Taco Beef laced with Chile Con Queso then stuffed into a crispy flour tortilla, served with Pico De Gallo"

Ratings:
Ben - Making a joke about something being retarded, and then realizing there is a retarded person there.  The joke is probably pretty funny, but it ends up pissing someone off.
Daniel - When your infants only wake up once, and briefly, during the night, but after that one time you can't get back to sleep.  Just like last night.

BQ3 - Episode Eight
"This Is The Best Burrito I've Ever Eaten" by Parry Gripp, used with permission.  http://parrygripp.com/ 

Taco Bell - Half-Pound Cheesy Potato Burrito

Late night Questing achieved!  We stay up late and eat Taco Bell outside of some kind of house party on the back of a random car.  Joined (officially) by Isaac, Sage, and Charles (or Bubblegum), it is our biggest cast in some time.  Isaac is drunk.  Sage wanders off at one point, when a car drives by, to talk to some chicks.  Ben is roundly, and unfairly, or at least inaccurately, labeled a racist over and over.  Daniel tries to keep things on track, even speed things up a bit when a neighbor's porch light illuminates.  Charles comes out with a solid rating his first time at bat.  Various other hangers on spout comments and drunkenly ask for our food.

Ingredients: "A warm, soft flour tortilla loaded with a double portion** of seasoned ground beef and filled with crispy potato bites, warm nacho cheese sauce, and reduced fat sour cream."  **Double beef compared to Burrito Supreme®.

Ratings:
Ben - Dogs digging, they're just having a good old time and don't know they're destroying property.
Daniel -  Fresh-cut grass under my feet, it feels good on my feet, but then I'm also allergic to grass.
Isaac - Rollerblades or skateboard, where you look at someone doing it and say "That looks like a great time" but you try it and find out it's a lot harder than it looks.
Sage - Ben's racism, it's something that you don't really want all the time but occasionally you get some and it's really awesome.
Charles - Scratchy beard, you like having a beard but you scratch at it all the time.

BQ3 - Episode Seven
"This Is The Best Burrito I've Ever Eaten" by Parry Gripp, used with permission.  http://parrygripp.com/ 

Chicharron-Off: Las Trancas v Mi Pueblito

A challenge was extended, a challenge we accepted most lustily.  Someone commented on Facebook that Mi Pueblito had a good chicharron burrito.  Not wanting Las Trancas' reputation to be sullied, we felt it our duty to put paid to this assertion.  So, with Sage in town (and Sarah in tow, but declining the chicharron-off) we chowed down on chicharron burritos from each; a veritable gastronomic battle royale.  The surprising result: Mi Pueblito edges past by a nose.  Turns out Mi Pueblito puts green chile in theirs, and we got red chile on the Las Trancas because that's what we knew.  This makes the comparison a bit uneven, but it also ended up being the only deciding point between them.  Good texture and flavor from both, so really everyone wins.  Ben explains his previous apparent insensitivity to the certain races.  Daniel momentarily loses his mind and asks Ben who is cooler, Batman or Robin?  He quickly retracts his idiotic question.  Sage suggests questing whilst surrounded by nerds.  Amy had specific instructions for her burrito, which Daniel completely disregards.

Ingredients: Las Trancas - Chicharrones, Red Chile, Refried Beans, and Cheese; Mi Pueblito - Chicharrones, Green Chile, Refried Beans, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Las Trancas: The red chile is Robin, but after he stops being a bitch, like after he turns into Nightwing. Mi Pueblito: The green chile is the Batman.
Daniel - Las Trancas: A stinky blue cheese, good sometimes but very rich; Mi Pueblito: A delicious Irish cheddar, good anytime and all the time.
Sage - Las Trancas: 3rd Edition D&D, it's kind of all over the place but sometimes those extra bits sometimes are appealing.  Mi Pueblito: 4th Edition D&D, it's a little better made but occasionally doesn't appeal as much.
Amy - I hope I don't spend the rest of the afternoon in the bathroom.

BQ3 - Episode Six
"This Is The Best Burrito I've Ever Eaten" by Parry Gripp, used with permission.  http://parrygripp.com/ 

El Comedor - Red Banado

Mesilla Trek cometh again, with chiles, red like blood.  Not much of a burrito selection at El Comedor, but what they lack in choices they make up for in taste.  Good sized, with a rich red chile sauce both without and within.  We rally against Ben's negative opinion of recent Quests and attack this recording with verve.  Do we not please you!?  Ben's dogs keep booshing the quest, then Amy comes home and continues the boosh.  A Sage may be coming to a Burrito Quest in the near future.  We discuss the news that Taco Bell may be test marketing a taco shell made from Doritos.  Nothing wrong with that.  Also, burrito pie, a real (awesome) thing we made up or just enchiladas renamed?  Ben reminisces about cramming a Gobbler on top of another burrito.  We can't remember how many times Isaac threw up during BQ and BQ2.  Isaac, how many times was it, and which burritos?  Oh, and in case this actually makes it up before then, we're on hiatus until early May.

Ingredients:  Pork, Potatoes, and Red Chile

Ratings:
Ben - Planets that have more than one moon.  One moon is so trite, but more than one, like Mars, is badass.
Daniel - Allergies going away.  It sucks having allergies, when they go away it's one of the best things ever.

BQ3 - Episode Five
"This Is The Best Burrito I've Ever Eaten" by Parry Gripp, used with permission.  http://parrygripp.com/  

Taco Bell - 7 Layer Burrito

Back to Taco Bell.  We forgo the obviousness of eating Taco Bell's burritos in the order they are listed on the menu and choose a 7 Layer Burrito for this episode.  A vegetarian burrito; one of Ben's favorites; Daniel finds the lack of meat(-ish) disappointing.  We back up the paltry 500 calories of the 7 Layer with an order of Volcano Nachos.  "Molten Hot Lava Sauce?"  Bugh.  We shout out to Isaac, requiring his presence in the comments.  We also tack on intro/outro music for the first time.  Hope you like it.  Head over to http://parrygrip.com and check out some of his other work.  Space Unicorn is particularly inspiring.

Ingredients - "A warm, soft flour tortilla wrapped around seasoned rice, hearty beans, a blend of three cheeses – cheddar, pepper jack and mozzarella – crisp shredded lettuce, diced ripe tomatoes, reduced fat sour cream, and chunky guacamole."

Ratings:
Ben - Clouds; mysterious, blimp-hiding clouds.
Daniel - Going to sleep and waking up with a hair in your mouth.  It's not a good thing.

BQ3 - Episode Four
"This Is The Best Burrito I've Ever Eaten" by Parry Gripp, used with permission.  http://parrygripp.com/

Go Burger - Green Chile Meat Burrito

The beginning of lunch trek.  We finally hit up Go Burger, a place we tried to visit early in BQ2 but discovered it's one of many burr-stablishments that are only open around lunch hours.  At 11 inches long and a hefty fill, it had the trifecta: size, taste, and price.  Go Burger reminds Daniel of the many home-grown drive-up food places that litter the Carlsbad, NM landscape.  They were voted both Best Burrito and Best Local Taco by the Las Cruces Sun News.  What the fuck a 'Local Taco' is, we don't know.  Also, they have a byzantine drive-thru process.  Ben clarifies the correct way to tell a 'your mom' joke.  We like burritos.  Correct: Your mom likes burritos.  Incorrect: I liked burritos with your mom last night.  Then Daniel gets confused.

Ingredients - Green Chile, Pork, and Potato

Ratings:
Ben - The time of year where you don't have your AC on and you don't have your heater on, everything just feels perfect.
Daniel - When you try on a t-shirt for the first time and it fits just right.

BQ3 - Episode Three

Andele - Chile Con Carne w/Potato, Smothered in Green Chile

Mesilla Trek begins.  We start with the one and only burrito that has been recommended to us.  Thanks, Traci; good call!  Andele has a creamy, cheesy green chile sauce, which overpowers this burrito in a delicious manner.  Daniel's go-to Mexican food place for a long time, his reaction was likely a given.  Ben's delight reaffirms and solidifies our Burrito Fraternitas.  We discuss our plans for BQ3: Triple Trek!  We shall endeavor to split our labors in this third season of Burrito Quest between Taco Bell, Mesilla, and Lunch.  Alright, that last one isn't really a place, but there are enough burr-stablishments open only around lunch time that it begs to be quested.  Daniel seeks accolades for having the idea to record these ponderings in the first place.  Ben is too weak to cut a tortilla without a knife.  Amy joins us but eats rolled tacos instead of a burrito; she gets sprayed in the face with green chile sauce for her troubles.

Ingredients - Green Chile Meat, Potatoes, and Green Chile Sauce

Ratings:
Ben - The Five Second rule.  If I dropped this burrito on the ground I would pick it up and eat it, despite how messy it would be.
Daniel - Drinking grape Nehi soda at my grandma's house in the summertime.  A fond memory.

BQ3 - Episode Two

Taco Bell - Beefy Crunch Burrito

Schmaco Bell!  Finally.  Our expectations were, of course, overblown.  Taco Bell is like the food of the future: chemically engineered to deliciously deliver calories to your sedentary ass.  Funnily enough they have a sign posted at the counter telling people where their beef comes from, in response to the recent law suit.  We wonder if this is aimed at the proper audience.  This burrito is chewy on the outside, and squish-ily crispy on the inside.  It reminds us of the Super Sonic Breakfast Burrito, in a bad way, and without Isaac's mouth crammed full of tater tots.  Do we need a theme for Burrito Quest 3?  Maybe.  Do we need an excuse to regale you with our opinions whilst eating burritos?  Definitely, no.  Burrito Quest 3: We Eat Burritos.

Ingredients - "Layers of seasoned ground beef, rice, warm nacho cheese sauce, reduced fat sour cream and Flamin’ Hot (R) Fritos(R) wrapped in a warm, flour tortilla."

Ratings:
Ben - Your car not starting the first time, but it starting immediately on the second try. A brief moment of disappointment.
Daniel - Getting grease on your hands when you fixed a part on your car.  Your hands are dirty, and hopefully you fixed what needed to be fixed.

BQ3 - Episode One

Burrito Quest 2: The Finale

We gathered together to bid adieu to Burrito Quest 2.  Yes, we failed, we know this.  But also we have faith, despite this failure, that Salsa Bro is out there somewhere, serving free burritos to hot chicks everywhere.  Amy and Jenni join in the shenanigans, as does Isaac, who was making a brief visit.  We decide, for this second finale, to revisit Santa Fe Grill, questing for fond memories of days gone by.  Burrito Quest 3 can be seen, cresting the horizon like some hungry many-tentacled monster.  Where do we go from here?  What will it mean that we are now only two?  Will Isaac send in reports from the hinterlands?  Spoiler Alert: These questions are not answered in this recording.  BURROS! 

Burritos:
Ben - Afterburner
Daniel - Big Bad Aggie
Isaac - Deer Hunter
Amy - Aardvark
Jenni - Red Chile Meat

Ratings:
Ben - 'Your mom' jokes, they're great but then I kind of regret them.
Daniel - A pocket knife, useful but unexceptional.
Isaac - Herpes, it sucks to have them, but you had sex to get them.
Amy - A half warm cup of coffee, it's not great but it's still coffee.
Jenni - Not the herpes, good and clean.

Burrito Quest 2 Ratings:
Ben - A haircut, sometimes they can be messed up, but you always needed one.  And it's gotta happen someday or you turn into a hippy.
Daniel - Clocks, they are both conveniently useful and can slow to a crawl sometimes and suck ass.
Isaac - A loyal but untrained dog, they don't hate you and they'll always be there and you love it but you're going to have a lot of trouble with it.

BQ2 - Episode Twenty-Eight

Fidencio's - Adobada Burrito

What the shit, some kind of Burrito Quest!  Ben and I revisit Fidencio's (mostly out of laziness) to bone up for Isaac's impending visit.  This burrito name sounds made up.  It was alright; decent tortilla and texture, too much salt.  We're rusty, and there's something missing.  Something Isaac shaped.  We talk briefly about the future of Burrito Quest.  Did we fail this most recent quest, or did we succeed in finding a little bit of Salsa Bro in everyone?  Daniel votes: fail.  Ben votes: rationalize the failure.  BURRO QUESS!

Ingredients - Beef, Guacamole, Potatoes, and Pico de Gallo

Ratings:
Ben - House paint, paint's kind of cool because you can put it on things, but then you have to paint.
Daniel - Ducks, they quack and it's like they're talking some other goofy language, but duck shit is awful.

BQ2 - Episode Twenty-Seven