Burrito Quest

BQ4 - Episode One

2012-01-06T20:01:00.000-08:00

Si Señor - Bean Burrito

We start our Vegetarian Trek with a trip back to Si Señor for their Bean burrito. We got them to hold the cheese, and asked them to add green chile. They got one of those things right, the important lack of cheese thing. Green chile was not so much in attendance. It's filling but lacking in spiciness. Daniel's burrito develops a butthole, then poops beans out of it. Ben proclaims his minority status as a born-again-vegetarian. Our apologies for the massive burrito wrapper crackling throughout the recording.

Ingredients: Beans, (supposed) Green Chile

Ratings:
Ben - Taking something in to get it replaced when it's out of warranty and they replace it for free. Getting a little more than you expected.
Daniel - Poker, 7 card draw, personally I find it kind of boring. It's full of beans.

"This Is The Best Burrito I've Ever Eaten" by Parry Gripp, used with permission. http://parrygripp.com/

Burrito Quest 4 - Veggie Trek

2012-01-06T17:12:00.000-08:00

We're back! Neither Ben's vegetarianism nor Daniel's fatherhood could hold us back for long. BQ3 is just a sad memory of failure. Onward to BQ4! The Veggie Trek will consist of 12 Vegetarian Burritos for 2012. We've come up with about half a dozen spots to try and hopefully can cobble together six more. The rules are thus: Eat 12 Vegetarian Burritos in the next year. Yes, this seems pretty doable, but wait, there is a catch. If we order vegetarian and they screw it up, that one doesn't count toward the total. So, join us on this brave and ridiculous journey into the world of meatless burritos. New episodes should be along shortly.

Oh, and we found a lost recording from last June that was never posted. Look forward (or backward) to that soon as well.

Burrito Quest, Lives?

2011-06-16T14:11:00.000-07:00

Where oh where has Burrito Quest gone? When Isaac left, Ben and Daniel tried to march on, but things got in the way. Mostly Ben's newfound vegetarianism. There is some hope that we can get back on track with a Vegetarian Trek. We shall see. In the meantime, here is a Burrito Quest: On the Road that Daniel recorded back in June. It is, as far as we know (looking at you, Isaac) the only Burrito Quest: On the Road in existence. It is also the only BQ episode recorded in the actual eatery from whence the burrito was purchased. The firsts just keep coming...from the past! Enjoy!

Qdoba (Brighton, CO) - Fajita Ranchera Burrito

Qdoba makes foil-wrapped burrito bombs. They are large and made to order, a la Subway, right in front of you. The endless combinations could be a quest in and of itself. Apparently the tortilla itself adds substantially to the calorie count each burro. Daniel's brother Jon steps in ably for added commentary, and gives an impressive rating for a guest commentator.

Ingredients: Fire-grilled red onions and bell peppers with our tangy Ranchera sauce (no beans), with black beans added.

Ratings:
Daniel - A chain restaurant that you like to go to. It's pretty tasty but has a bit of a mass produced quality. Maybe like Arby's. I like Arby's.
Jon - Good sex. I could have it three times a day.

"This Is The Best Burrito I've Ever Eaten" by Parry Gripp, used with permission. http://parrygripp.com/

BQ3 - Episode Eleven

2011-06-11T12:56:00.000-07:00

La Posta - Red Chile con Carne
If our math is correct, this is Burrito Quest's 100th recording! It is truly a momentous occasion, made more-so by Isaac and Amy joining us. La Posta, while not quality-wise up to the task is, given their volume of customers, probably a decent choice for our 100th. It is an old establishment that caters to the tourist crowds by the thousands. We variously compare the burrito to assembly-line burritos, fund-raising enchilada lunches, and high schools full of buttholes. Ben tries, in light of Tracy Morgan's recent anti-gay rant, to rationalize his previous comments about the man. Isaac gets accused of having no friends but burrito friends. Daniel argues, despite prior audio evidence to the contrary, that he does not, indeed, hate red chile. Recent blog comments are discussed. Many thanks to Traci, Nate, and Anonymous for the feedback. Past burritos, mostly the bad ones, are fondly remembered. Here's to 100 more!

Ingredients: "Rolled flour tortilla stuffed with...[red] chile con carne. Served with rice and garnish."

Ratings:

Ben - A flashing yellow light at an intersection; it's kind of interesting but you forget about afterwards.

Daniel - A crappy universal remote control; it does a job, but probably not very well.

Isaac - Sitting on your testicles; it happens, you have to adjust, and it makes you cautious about sitting down the rest of the day.

"This Is The Best Burrito I've Ever Eaten" by Parry Gripp, used with permission. http://parrygripp.com/

BQ3 - Episode Ten

2011-05-27T19:24:00.000-07:00

Taco Bell - Chicken Grilled Stuft Burrito

Taco Bell trek gets Stuft! That's right, 'Stuft!' It's how you know they're hip. This burrito is Taco Bell's second highest in caloric content, bested only by the beef version of the Grilled Stuft Burrito. Daniel's go-to Taco Bell food, his opinion was preordained. Ben eats it and hates that he likes it, kind of like a baby who's mad at his butthole because it hurts when he poops. The idea of the Burrito Casserole raises it's ugly head again, this time horrifically solidified a bit more. It cometh, the Burrsserole, like some herald of Armageddon.

Ingredients - "A large, warm, soft flour tortilla wrapped around grilled, marinated all-white-meat chicken, hearty beans, seasoned rice, a blend of three real cheeses – cheddar, pepper jack and mozzarella – creamy pepper jack sauce, and fiesta salsa, then grilled to perfection."

Ratings:
Ben - Getting a 1% raise. At first it seems like it sucks, but then, it's a raise, but still kind of sad. This is really a good thing? But I'm angry that I'm happy at it.
Daniel - Skunk Ape. In the swamps of Florida there is a bigfoot, and that bigfoot is the Skunk Ape. The ingredients in this burrito are cryptic, much like the cryptid that is a the Skunk Ape.

"This Is The Best Burrito I've Ever Eaten" by Parry Gripp, used with permission. http://parrygripp.com/

BQ3 - Episode Nine

2011-05-20T12:40:00.000-07:00

Nellie's - Green Chile Banado

Nellie's, finally. Nellie's is a family-owned Mexican food place that is popular enough that over the years they have actually trimmed their hours so that they are only open until 2pm. In addition they regularly just shut down for two weeks at a shot for both Xmas and Summer Vacation. None of this impacts the crowds of people one will regularly see waiting outside in the hot sun every day around lunch. In fact, this is one of the restaurants that emboldened us to embark on Lunch Trek in the first place. They do make a pretty good burrito. Sage and Amy join us; Sage as a quester, Amy as a rolled taco eater. Daniel could have asked his brother for a recommendation from Nellie's, but that would have been what we got anyway, so... There is much discussion about the Rapture, and whether this episode would indeed have ever been heard. Given the tardiness of this posting, the fears were justified.

Ingredients - Green Chile, Pork, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Going to the movies, I never really want to go out of my way to go to the movies, but then I think 'I can get popcorms there.' And then when I'm at the movies it's fun and I wonder why I don't do it more often.
Daniel - Riding really fast on your bicycle as a kid, it's really fun. You feel awesome, and your a kid, and you're like 'Check me out!'
Sage - About 2 beers, I'm a little burrito drunk. Got a good burruzz on.

"This Is The Best Burrito I've Ever Eaten" by Parry Gripp, used with permission. http://parrygripp.com/

BQ3 - Episode Eight

2011-05-12T19:46:00.000-07:00

Pepper's - Chimichanga Con Queso

Pepper's is the front end cafe (read: less fancy) for what is likely the most expensive restaurant in Las Cruces; The Double Eagle. A true chimichanga, in all its fried glory, one would expect exceptional quality given the outrageous price of this burrito. One would be disappointed. We certainly. It wasn't a bad burrito, so much as thoroughly unexceptional. We even try to dumb it down to our blue collar standards by ordering it with Seasoned Taco Beef. This only reminded us how far from Taco Bell we had traveled. Also, we must have blown our load the past weekend with so many guests on the quest, as we sound generally drained and dull through much of the recording. Amy joins us with a burger and fries from the same establishment, and they turn out to be even worse than the chimichanga. Ben continues to eat vegetarian, Burrito Quest notwithstanding. Daniel worries about likely running out of burrito establishments in Mesilla sooner than expected.

Ingredients: "Seasoned Chicken Breast, Slow Roasted Beef or Seasoned Taco Beef laced with Chile Con Queso then stuffed into a crispy flour tortilla, served with Pico De Gallo"

Ratings:
Ben - Making a joke about something being retarded, and then realizing there is a retarded person there. The joke is probably pretty funny, but it ends up pissing someone off.
Daniel - When your infants only wake up once, and briefly, during the night, but after that one time you can't get back to sleep. Just like last night.

"This Is The Best Burrito I've Ever Eaten" by Parry Gripp, used with permission. http://parrygripp.com/

BQ3 - Episode Seven

2011-05-07T23:31:00.000-07:00

Taco Bell - Half-Pound Cheesy Potato Burrito

Late night Questing achieved! We stay up late and eat Taco Bell outside of some kind of house party on the back of a random car. Joined (officially) by Isaac, Sage, and Charles (or Bubblegum), it is our biggest cast in some time. Isaac is drunk. Sage wanders off at one point, when a car drives by, to talk to some chicks. Ben is roundly, and unfairly, or at least inaccurately, labeled a racist over and over. Daniel tries to keep things on track, even speed things up a bit when a neighbor's porch light illuminates. Charles comes out with a solid rating his first time at bat. Various other hangers on spout comments and drunkenly ask for our food.

Ingredients: "A warm, soft flour tortilla loaded with a double portion** of seasoned ground beef and filled with crispy potato bites, warm nacho cheese sauce, and reduced fat sour cream." **Double beef compared to Burrito Supreme®.

Ratings:
Ben - Dogs digging, they're just having a good old time and don't know they're destroying property.
Daniel - Fresh-cut grass under my feet, it feels good on my feet, but then I'm also allergic to grass.
Isaac - Rollerblades or skateboard, where you look at someone doing it and say "That looks like a great time" but you try it and find out it's a lot harder than it looks.
Sage - Ben's racism, it's something that you don't really want all the time but occasionally you get some and it's really awesome.
Charles - Scratchy beard, you like having a beard but you scratch at it all the time.

"This Is The Best Burrito I've Ever Eaten" by Parry Gripp, used with permission. http://parrygripp.com/

BQ3 - Episode Six

2011-05-06T12:20:00.000-07:00

Chicharron-Off: Las Trancas v Mi Pueblito

A challenge was extended, a challenge we accepted most lustily. Someone commented on Facebook that Mi Pueblito had a good chicharron burrito. Not wanting Las Trancas' reputation to be sullied, we felt it our duty to put paid to this assertion. So, with Sage in town (and Sarah in tow, but declining the chicharron-off) we chowed down on chicharron burritos from each; a veritable gastronomic battle royale. The surprising result: Mi Pueblito edges past by a nose. Turns out Mi Pueblito puts green chile in theirs, and we got red chile on the Las Trancas because that's what we knew. This makes the comparison a bit uneven, but it also ended up being the only deciding point between them. Good texture and flavor from both, so really everyone wins. Ben explains his previous apparent insensitivity to the certain races. Daniel momentarily loses his mind and asks Ben who is cooler, Batman or Robin? He quickly retracts his idiotic question. Sage suggests questing whilst surrounded by nerds. Amy had specific instructions for her burrito, which Daniel completely disregards.

Ingredients: Las Trancas - Chicharrones, Red Chile, Refried Beans, and Cheese; Mi Pueblito - Chicharrones, Green Chile, Refried Beans, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Las Trancas: The red chile is Robin, but after he stops being a bitch, like after he turns into Nightwing. Mi Pueblito: The green chile is the Batman.
Daniel - Las Trancas: A stinky blue cheese, good sometimes but very rich; Mi Pueblito: A delicious Irish cheddar, good anytime and all the time.
Sage - Las Trancas: 3rd Edition D&D, it's kind of all over the place but sometimes those extra bits sometimes are appealing. Mi Pueblito: 4th Edition D&D, it's a little better made but occasionally doesn't appeal as much.
Amy - I hope I don't spend the rest of the afternoon in the bathroom.

"This Is The Best Burrito I've Ever Eaten" by Parry Gripp, used with permission. http://parrygripp.com/

BQ3 - Episode Five

2011-04-15T19:57:00.000-07:00

El Comedor - Red Banado

Mesilla Trek cometh again, with chiles, red like blood. Not much of a burrito selection at El Comedor, but what they lack in choices they make up for in taste. Good sized, with a rich red chile sauce both without and within. We rally against Ben's negative opinion of recent Quests and attack this recording with verve. Do we not please you!? Ben's dogs keep booshing the quest, then Amy comes home and continues the boosh. A Sage may be coming to a Burrito Quest in the near future. We discuss the news that Taco Bell may be test marketing a taco shell made from Doritos. Nothing wrong with that. Also, burrito pie, a real (awesome) thing we made up or just enchiladas renamed? Ben reminisces about cramming a Gobbler on top of another burrito. We can't remember how many times Isaac threw up during BQ and BQ2. Isaac, how many times was it, and which burritos? Oh, and in case this actually makes it up before then, we're on hiatus until early May.

Ingredients: Pork, Potatoes, and Red Chile

Ratings:
Ben - Planets that have more than one moon. One moon is so trite, but more than one, like Mars, is badass.
Daniel - Allergies going away. It sucks having allergies, when they go away it's one of the best things ever.

"This Is The Best Burrito I've Ever Eaten" by Parry Gripp, used with permission. http://parrygripp.com/

BQ3 - Episode Four

2011-04-08T19:32:00.000-07:00

Taco Bell - 7 Layer Burrito

Back to Taco Bell. We forgo the obviousness of eating Taco Bell's burritos in the order they are listed on the menu and choose a 7 Layer Burrito for this episode. A vegetarian burrito; one of Ben's favorites; Daniel finds the lack of meat(-ish) disappointing. We back up the paltry 500 calories of the 7 Layer with an order of Volcano Nachos. "Molten Hot Lava Sauce?" Bugh. We shout out to Isaac, requiring his presence in the comments. We also tack on intro/outro music for the first time. Hope you like it. Head over to http://parrygrip.com and check out some of his other work. Space Unicorn is particularly inspiring.

Ingredients - "A warm, soft flour tortilla wrapped around seasoned rice, hearty beans, a blend of three cheeses – cheddar, pepper jack and mozzarella – crisp shredded lettuce, diced ripe tomatoes, reduced fat sour cream, and chunky guacamole."

Ratings:
Ben - Clouds; mysterious, blimp-hiding clouds.
Daniel - Going to sleep and waking up with a hair in your mouth. It's not a good thing.

"This Is The Best Burrito I've Ever Eaten" by Parry Gripp, used with permission. http://parrygripp.com/

BQ3 - Episode Three

2011-03-25T12:36:00.000-07:00

Go Burger - Green Chile Meat Burrito

The beginning of lunch trek. We finally hit up Go Burger, a place we tried to visit early in BQ2 but discovered it's one of many burr-stablishments that are only open around lunch hours. At 11 inches long and a hefty fill, it had the trifecta: size, taste, and price. Go Burger reminds Daniel of the many home-grown drive-up food places that litter the Carlsbad, NM landscape. They were voted both Best Burrito and Best Local Taco by the Las Cruces Sun News. What the fuck a 'Local Taco' is, we don't know. Also, they have a byzantine drive-thru process. Ben clarifies the correct way to tell a 'your mom' joke. We like burritos. Correct: Your mom likes burritos. Incorrect: I liked burritos with your mom last night. Then Daniel gets confused.

Ingredients - Green Chile, Pork, and Potato

Ratings:
Ben - The time of year where you don't have your AC on and you don't have your heater on, everything just feels perfect.
Daniel - When you try on a t-shirt for the first time and it fits just right.

BQ3 - Episode Two

2011-03-18T19:42:00.000-07:00

Andele - Chile Con Carne w/Potato, Smothered in Green Chile
Mesilla Trek begins. We start with the one and only burrito that has been recommended to us. Thanks, Traci; good call! Andele has a creamy, cheesy green chile sauce, which overpowers this burrito in a delicious manner. Daniel's go-to Mexican food place for a long time, his reaction was likely a given. Ben's delight reaffirms and solidifies our Burrito Fraternitas. We discuss our plans for BQ3: Triple Trek! We shall endeavor to split our labors in this third season of Burrito Quest between Taco Bell, Mesilla, and Lunch. Alright, that last one isn't really a place, but there are enough burr-stablishments open only around lunch time that it begs to be quested. Daniel seeks accolades for having the idea to record these ponderings in the first place. Ben is too weak to cut a tortilla without a knife. Amy joins us but eats rolled tacos instead of a burrito; she gets sprayed in the face with green chile sauce for her troubles.

Ingredients - Green Chile Meat, Potatoes, and Green Chile Sauce

Ratings:
Ben - The Five Second rule. If I dropped this burrito on the ground I would pick it up and eat it, despite how messy it would be.
Daniel - Drinking grape Nehi soda at my grandma's house in the summertime. A fond memory.

BQ3 - Episode One

2011-03-11T20:15:00.000-08:00

Taco Bell - Beefy Crunch Burrito

Schmaco Bell! Finally. Our expectations were, of course, overblown. Taco Bell is like the food of the future: chemically engineered to deliciously deliver calories to your sedentary ass. Funnily enough they have a sign posted at the counter telling people where their beef comes from, in response to the recent law suit. We wonder if this is aimed at the proper audience. This burrito is chewy on the outside, and squish-ily crispy on the inside. It reminds us of the Super Sonic Breakfast Burrito, in a bad way, and without Isaac's mouth crammed full of tater tots. Do we need a theme for Burrito Quest 3? Maybe. Do we need an excuse to regale you with our opinions whilst eating burritos? Definitely, no. Burrito Quest 3: We Eat Burritos.

Ingredients - "Layers of seasoned ground beef, rice, warm nacho cheese sauce, reduced fat sour cream and Flamin’ Hot (R) Fritos(R) wrapped in a warm, flour tortilla."

Ratings:
Ben - Your car not starting the first time, but it starting immediately on the second try. A brief moment of disappointment.
Daniel - Getting grease on your hands when you fixed a part on your car. Your hands are dirty, and hopefully you fixed what needed to be fixed.

BQ2 - Episode Twenty-Eight

2011-03-04T19:31:00.000-08:00

Burrito Quest 2: The Finale

We gathered together to bid adieu to Burrito Quest 2. Yes, we failed, we know this. But also we have faith, despite this failure, that Salsa Bro is out there somewhere, serving free burritos to hot chicks everywhere. Amy and Jenni join in the shenanigans, as does Isaac, who was making a brief visit. We decide, for this second finale, to revisit Santa Fe Grill, questing for fond memories of days gone by. Burrito Quest 3 can be seen, cresting the horizon like some hungry many-tentacled monster. Where do we go from here? What will it mean that we are now only two? Will Isaac send in reports from the hinterlands? Spoiler Alert: These questions are not answered in this recording. BURROS!

Burritos:
Ben - Afterburner
Daniel - Big Bad Aggie
Isaac - Deer Hunter
Amy - Aardvark
Jenni - Red Chile Meat

Ratings:
Ben - 'Your mom' jokes, they're great but then I kind of regret them.
Daniel - A pocket knife, useful but unexceptional.
Isaac - Herpes, it sucks to have them, but you had sex to get them.
Amy - A half warm cup of coffee, it's not great but it's still coffee.
Jenni - Not the herpes, good and clean.

Burrito Quest 2 Ratings:
Ben - A haircut, sometimes they can be messed up, but you always needed one. And it's gotta happen someday or you turn into a hippy.
Daniel - Clocks, they are both conveniently useful and can slow to a crawl sometimes and suck ass.
Isaac - A loyal but untrained dog, they don't hate you and they'll always be there and you love it but you're going to have a lot of trouble with it.

BQ2 - Episode Twenty-Seven

2011-02-25T19:30:00.000-08:00

Fidencio's - Adobada Burrito

What the shit, some kind of Burrito Quest! Ben and I revisit Fidencio's (mostly out of laziness) to bone up for Isaac's impending visit. This burrito name sounds made up. It was alright; decent tortilla and texture, too much salt. We're rusty, and there's something missing. Something Isaac shaped. We talk briefly about the future of Burrito Quest. Did we fail this most recent quest, or did we succeed in finding a little bit of Salsa Bro in everyone? Daniel votes: fail. Ben votes: rationalize the failure. BURRO QUESS!

Ingredients - Beef, Guacamole, Potatoes, and Pico de Gallo

Ratings:
Ben - House paint, paint's kind of cool because you can put it on things, but then you have to paint.
Daniel - Ducks, they quack and it's like they're talking some other goofy language, but duck shit is awful.

Events Conspire

2010-10-31T13:30:00.000-07:00

Daniel became some kind of dad to twins. Isaac is moving to Santa Fe. Ben hates Christmas. Burrito Quest is on hiatus!

BQ2 - Episode Twenty-Six

2010-10-18T19:37:00.000-07:00

Los Compas - Chicharron and Chile Relleno

Los Compas surprised us with a very tasty burrito. On a scale of Green Burrito to Las Trancas it turned out to be a solid Miguel's. The side of nachos we got turned out to be more typical of Los Compas food; kind of dull and greasy. Some news, Isaac will be departing to quest in the north...of New Mexico. What will happen to our quest? Stay tuned! Daniel is pretty sure that he can win BabyQuest against his offspring. Ben can't figure his meat out. With our limited time left, before Daniel's children arrive and Isaac departs for northern climes, we decide to make a list of places we really want to hit. Will it happen? Also, Daniel and Isaac are douches for not remembering Ben's vow to eat dog food. Dammit!

Ingredients - Chicharrones, Chile Relleno, Beans, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Bungie cords, the kind you strap things down with, sometimes I forget about them, then I open up a bag and I'm like "hey, I've got some bungie cords, I should do something with these."
Daniel - Chuck Norris's Lone Wolf McQuade, when I saw it as a kid I thought it was badass, does not hold up over time. I suspect if we ate this burrito again it would not be as good.
Isaac - Pringles, not as good as Doritos, but still pretty good.

BQ2 - Episode Twenty-Five

2010-10-11T19:18:00.000-07:00

Delicias - Chicharron/Picadillo Burritos

Thrown by our previous experiences with small burros, we order up two burritos when we see the $3 price tag on these bad boys. The chicharron burrito paled in comparison to Las Trancas. In truth it would have been hard pressed to match that exemplar of a burrito. But it did not even come close. The fried pig skin was slimy and soft, in a spicy tomato sauce redolent of the lengua burrito from Burritos Victoria. Delicias used to be a place for cheap Chinese food (at which Daniel worked only one night washing dishes) and the comparison of the chicharrones to Kung Pao chicken inevitably crops up. Ben resorts to eating his with each bite followed by a swig of soda, as if swallowing slimy pig skin pills. The picadillo, by comparison, was pretty good...but only by comparison. It was only ground beef and pico de gallo; kind of dry and much in need of salsa. There is much discussion of the upcoming Mesilla Trek. Also, if there's anyone out there who wants to recommend a burrito we should try (thanks, Tracy!) we will seriously consider it. Ben commits (kind of) to eating a dog food burrito. We are dubious about his devotion to the quest.

Ingredients - Chicharrones and Spicy Tomato Sauce/Ground Beef and Pico de Gallo

Ratings:
Ben - Brontosaurus, they didn't exist but for a while we thought they did. It casts doubt about the existence of any dinosaurs.
Daniel - Dinty Moore Beef Stew, it looks good at first, then your stomach hurts.
Isaac - Finding out velociraptors had feathers. It's like a giant peacock chasing after you. They're still scary but not nearly as scary.

BQ2 - Episode Twenty-Four

2010-10-04T19:04:00.000-07:00

Spanish Kitchen - Green Chile Con Carne Burrito
Another small burrito. Daniel asked if the burritos were good sized and was answered in the affirmative. If you ate three all by yourself that may be true. Spanish Kitchen rivals Princess Tacos for age, as it's been around for 60 years. Obviously they haven't learned how to properly satiate Burrito Questers in all that time. The burritos were floppy and small, but at least the tortillas were homemade and tasty. A disappointment with a hint of faded glory. The salsa was damn spicy, and completely pureed with no hint of solid food left within it. We discuss Honorable Bill's love of ordering the Big Dick (actually called the Jumbo Burger) from Dick's Cafe. The conversation completely derails after that into, yeah, you guessed it.

Ingredients - Pork, Green Chile

Ratings:
Ben - You know how you suddenly realize, like, little bitty Earth, big big space,and in some ways that's really stunning and awe-inspiring and in other ways it's like, holy crap that's meaningless. I'm thinking that second one; depressing.
Daniel -Dehydrated camping food, like powered eggs or something. At first it's cool cause it's like what the astronauts eat, then you realize it's not very good.
Isaac - Pluto, the former planet, it's no longer a planet. As a New Mexican I feel obligated to like it, but overall it's ok.

BQ2 - Episode Twenty-Three

2010-09-27T19:20:00.000-07:00

Mi Pueblito - Steak Mexicana Burrito
Mi Pueblito was a joint we weren't sure was open late enough for us to hit up on a Monday night. "Now Open Till 7pm" however! The burrito was decent, but became better when we spooned Mi Pueblito's chile con queso upon it. It was small, though. We're finding more and more that a lot of these places sell burritos as something expected to be accompanied with beans and rice; not a meal in and of itself. We discuss our douchebaggery in ordering the most expensive of the burritos that are under $4. Isaac teaches us the magical prison lingo that is kiester. For instance, Daniel once got kiestered during a proctology exam. Also, Jenni has a weird puppet.

Ingredients - Steak, Jalapenos, Tomatoes, and Onions

Ratings:
Ben - The trailer for Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. I never saw the movie. That trailer was ok. I really like trailers, though.
Daniel - My first experience with Pac-Man. I had no idea what it was when my brother told me we got it for the Atari. I thought it was going to be about some guy with a backpack, and it was kind of weird at first but it got better.
Isaac - Jango Fett, not nearly as cool as Boba, but at then end of the day he's still a dude running around shooting people with a jetpack.

BQ2 - Episode Twenty-Two

2010-09-20T19:12:00.000-07:00

Burritos Victoria - Lengua (Tongue)/Bistec (Steak) Burritos

The Questers redeem their Los Tacos Mexicanos debacle and eat the lengua! We also eat a backup bistec burrito as well. A small moment of weakness, the backup, it made for an overall very filling and kind of appealing meal. All in all, the tongue was decent but with kind of a weird texture. The steak burrito was just ok, but greatly improved by the salsa. Ben freaks out at the thought that maybe he is eating is own tongue. Isaac tries not to think about eating tongue while he's eating tongue. Daniel just powers through. We also talk a bit about trying to have a last Burrito Quest with alumnus $teve. Yeah, that didn't happen.

Ingredients: Tongue, Spicy Tomato Sauce, Onion/Steak, Green Chile, Onion

Ratings:
Ben - Car accident, that only involves a semi-truck full of produce and everyone is ok, and there's onions all over the road. You get a lot onions on the highway for your buck.
Daniel - Testing your smoke alarms with earplugs in. It's a lot better than without.
Isaac - Chihuahuas, I don't like them. When they breed with other dogs they're ok, but mostly I don't like chihuahuas.

BQ2 - Episode Twenty-One

2010-09-13T19:20:00.000-07:00

Chachi's - Chile con Carne Burrito (smothered in Chile con Queso)
Dogs hate Burrito Quest. We've only just begun when Ben's dogs go bananas. After a brief pause... Chachi's! Wherein we discover that banado does not mean banjo. But it does mean smothered, which you would think we, experts that we are, would be aware of when we order "chile con carne, not the banado, but smothered." Pinche gueros! Also, while we did not find Salsa Bro, we did find the elusive burrito establishment that delivers. Of course we discover this after we were already there. Ben is disappointed that these burritos were not brought right to his door by someone who is not on this quest. Daniel bitches a lot about the spiciness. Isaac talks about manual stimulation way too much. All in all, a hearty, spicy, tasty burrito.

Ingredients - Pork, Green Chile, Smothered in Chile con Queso

Ratings:
Ben - Watermelons, green watermelons, eating watermelons, it's always better than I thought it was going to be.
Daniel - McFarlane-era Spider-man, I was so excited when he was drawing Spider-man, I really liked it.
Isaac - Snoop Dogg, he's not the best rapper in the world, but he's consistently good.

BQ2 - Episode Twenty

2010-09-10T20:11:00.000-07:00

Chilitos - Chile Relleno Burrito

Chilitos, home of mostly mediocre food and an exceptional patio. The relleno was flavorful but the salty beans detracted from it heavily. Ben regales us with tales of Unburritable, somewhere in Nebraska, where he solo quested while we were getting depressed with our repeat of Green Burrito. Ben, when momentarily distracted by Bad Dudes, completely forgets the rating he had started spouting only moments before. Isaac likes a hillbilly workout. Shit talking flies fast and free here on Burrito Quest!

Ingredients - Chile Relleno, Beans, and Cheese

Ratings
Ben - Soda can that you forgot about, for just a little while. Or maybe a chicken sandwich at Farleys...
Daniel - Bad Dudes, the video game. I liked Altered Beast a lot better. Fuck you, Isaac!
Isaac - Working out on conventional and unexciting workout equipment, when there's all sorts of other things you can do like hitting tires with sledgehammers, or karate.

BQ2 - Episode Nineteen

2010-09-03T19:34:00.000-07:00

Green Burrito - Carne Asada Burrito

With Ben unavailable we decide to embark on our first repeat visit of Burrito Quest 2. This burrito was cursed from the get go. They took forever to make, then the bag ripped when Daniel was carrying it into the house and the burritos fell into the street. Luckily the wrappings stayed intact and this lousy recording got made. The burrito tasted salty and processed. Also, some of them were less than warm and needed reheating. Bigger and more filling than our first trip to Green Burrito, the price was still not worth it. We actually have guests again, and though they immediately regret it, Alex and Tony did the best they could to stand in for Ben. Speaking of Ben, he catches a lot more shit than usual, which about right given that he wasn't present. But really, he's the lucky one. All in all a very depressing episode.

Ingredients - "Grilled steak, freshly made salsa, guacamole, and jack and cheddar cheeses wrapped in a flour tortilla"

Ratings:
Daniel - Ben having to hang out in Nebraska watching old people play Yahtzee, the opposite of fun.
Isaac - When my dog eats cat crap, I think it's hilarious at first, then he licks me in the face.
Alex - Very regretful, I should have stayed home.
Tony - It should have been Taco Bell.

BQ2 - Episode Eighteen

2010-08-23T18:56:00.000-07:00

Si Senor Express - Green Chile Meat Burrito

We let Ben pick which burrito to get from his favorite restaurant. He chose Red Chile Meat. He was denied. We made the mistake of asking if there was green chile in the bean burritos before then ordering red chile meat burritos. Confusion reigned! Si Senor, whatever else you say about it, is generous with their chips and dips (you get four dips: bean dip, a spicy sour cream dip, green chile salsa, and red chile salsa). The burrito was resoundingly mediocre with much ado about saltiness. Ben bravely defends Si Senor despite this mediocrity. Daniel waffles a little in his dislike, approving of their chips, dips, and beer. Isaac thinks no one thinks we are funny. We lament our weakness when faced with tongue burritos last time and weakly commit to one day make up for our failure.

Ingredients - Green Chile and Pork

Ratings:
Ben - Graduating from college, it's like 'go get a job; pay these bills"; you get some good things out of it but...
Daniel - Minivans, useful but not what I would choose to drive.
Isaac - When a superhero dies then comes back to life, the death can make a comic book interesting, but that is immediately nullified when they come back to life.

BQ2 - Episode Seventeen

2010-08-16T19:22:00.000-07:00

Las Trancas - Chicarron Burrito

We figure that las trancas means "the horses" based on their menu, and the general decor within the restaurant. Online research does not support this theory. The best the googles could come up with is "the bars" or something relating to getting drunk. This may make this establishment even more desirable. Of course there could be some slang going on that we, as gueros, do not understand. Chicharrones we understand, however, and find delicious at a rate of approximately 33% to 66%. Think pork rinds, only more freshly skinned off the pig and fried. Daniel fawns all over this burrito, despite the red chile which he feels is generally inferior to green chile. Ben is bewildered as he has never consumed pork rinds, despite undertaking Atkins several times, and so has little point of reference. The chicharrones remind Isaac of Honeycombs, the cereal.

Ingredients - Chicharrones, Beans, and Red Chile

Ratings:
Ben - Rocket boots, with tassels on them. The burrito was good, but the texture was a little bit disturbing.
Daniel - Thundarr the Barbarian, an 80s cartoon, it had a yeti guy called Ookla the Mok that ran around with him, it was badass.
Isaac - Tab cola, I just don't know what to say about it, it perplexes me.

BQ2 - Episode Sixteen

2010-08-13T18:58:00.000-07:00

Los Tacos Mexicanos - Cabesa (Beef Cheek) Burritos

To be honest, Los Tacos Mexicanos does offer tongue (lengua) burritos. We just couldn't pull the trigger. Ben had enough trouble pushing aside the thought that he was eating cheek. We stand by our decision. Los Tacos Mexicanos offers five or six types of meat, which they will then stuff into tacos, burritos, tortas, and what have you. The beef cheek was obviously slow cooked in its own juices. And if those juices weren't comprised of grease before cooking, then they added a fair bit. Promising at first, with a hint of good flavor in the background, but overcome by fattiness. Daniel would vote this establishment as perhaps the first repeat for BQ2, just to see if the promise could be born out by a better meat. We ask an age-old question: What would you do if you found a tooth in your burrito? Also, poop jokes. And too much discussion about bean dip.

Ingredients: Beef Cheek, Onion, Cilantro

Ratings:
Ben - Monopoly, the board game, playing that game involves an enthusiasm that changes into hatred.
Daniel - Dryer lint, it's a waste product, and is the product of something greater.
Isaac - Hot air balloons, they're a novel aircraft but pretty boring.
Jenni - Shitty bean dip ball pit, like going to Chuck E. Cheese and jumping into the ball pit to find it is full of bean dip.

BQ2 - Episode Fifteen

2010-08-02T19:01:00.000-07:00

Nopalito's - Green Chile Meat Burrito

Nopalito's was reviewed for a Road Food segment of Splendid Table. Daniel heard the segment and was boggled at how much the food was raved about. The burritos are tiny. Teeny-tiny. Extra nachos were purchased on a whim and boy was that a good idea. Tasty, but so small as to be aggravating in it's lack of satiety, the burrito suffers greatly for it. The salsa (two varieties of which were provided) was rich and spicy. The nachos were mediocre. If this meal had been consumed in-restaurant the addition of chips of salsa would likely have helped. All in all, the taste was pretty good but the amount was ridiculously unsatisfying. This is most apparent when we forget it even tasted good by the end of the episode. Ben wishes there were burrito delivery places. Isaac and Daniel don't care. They want tongue burritos. Yeah, that's a thing. And not some kind of sex act. Weirdos.

Ingredients: Green Chile, Pork, Beans, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Laundry, it can be a pretty good thing but our dryer doesn't work very well and sometimes you open it and have damp clothes. I should probably just
Daniel - A dictionary, as inspiring as reading one. What if the only thing to read in the house was the dictionary?
Isaac - Wet socks, you know, you dry your socks and even after they are still damp and then you walk around and your feet are slightly cold.

BQ2 - Episode Fourteen

2010-07-28T18:59:00.000-07:00

Chabela's - Chile Relleno Burrito

Chabela's used to be another restaurant, also Mexican. It is still a Mexican place, only under another name, so you would think they'd know what a chicharrone was. Apparently, no. The relleno had heat (a plus) but the breading was typically soggy (a minus). In all fairness, keeping breading crispy when wrapped up in a tortilla is a difficult feat. The taste and heat of the chile elevate this to 'pretty good' territory, without it though it would likely sit firmly with the 'mediocre' tier. Our history comes back on us as we diverge almost immediately into talking about burritos from Santa Fe Grill. But we are consummate amateurs and get back on topic eventually. Of course, that mostly results in us complaining about the burrito crapping its ingredients all over the place; a common occurrence with refried beans as an ingredient. We also bitch more about the same shit as last time. Enjoy!

Ingredients - Relleno, Beans, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Sledgehammer, I really like sledgehammers, I don't know if a sledgehammer is a real practical hammer all the time, but if I had one I would show it to people.
Daniel - A digital camera, I like them when they are conveniently small, not when big and bulky.
Isaac - Shotguns, shotguns are good, they're a terrific standby, but sometimes they are not the coolest, and I think everyone should have a shotgun.

BQ2 - Episode Thirteen

2010-07-19T07:09:00.000-07:00

Taqueria Chavez - Carne Asada Super Burrito

Our first taco truck burrito experience. A bit on the dry side, they are pretty tasty with ingredients we rarely see in other burritos. Not that their not in there, we just can't make them out from the general mush. Lesson one for taco trucks, if you visit them after their busy time (read: probably lunch) they may be out of some of their food products. As a result we ponder what 'al pastor' means. Turns out it means "Shepherd Style", which we would imagine relates to something dirtier. In burrito news, Princess Tacos, the oldest establishment our quest has visited, has apparently closed down. It is a sad day for sketchy food establishments. We wonder whether people like this bullshit enough to actually contribute money to buy burritos. We may never know. Also, we are rapidly running out of burrito establishments that are a) open after 6 and b) open on Monday. We see Saturday burrito lunches and/or breakfasts in our future.

Ingredients - Carne Asada, Lettuce, Onions, Rice, Cilantro, and Salsa.

Ratings:
Ben - Free couch, I liked getting a free couch at one time, but now that I can get my own couch I don't want anymore couches.
Daniel - A Big Wheel, for some reason it's a little nostalgic, then the tire splits and it all kind of falls apart.
Isaac - A chair, it's about that exciting, but it serves a really good purpose.

BQ2 - Episode Twelve

2010-07-14T19:08:00.000-07:00

Alice the Burrito Lady - Red Chile/Green Chile Burritos

Our first guest in some time, Jenni joins us for these footlong burritos. Tasty, big, and cheap, we can see why this place was able to expand out of Canutillo into the surrounding market. The construction was mildly disappointing as it made for a mess, but the homemade tortillas made up for it. Two good burritos in a row; if this keeps up we shudder at the eventual burrito-tastrophe. This sparks a conversation about why at least one of us generally found more faults in more of Santa Fe Grill's burritos. We discuss the blog's 'spike' in traffic after Isaac posted a link on Facebook. Also the comment from The Hot Sluts. Thanks for the interest, The Hot Sluts, and keep the "hard" questions coming.

Ingredients: Red Chile, Beef, Potato, Beans, and Cheese/Green Chile, Pork, Potato, Beans, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Stacks of tiles at hardware stores, where you think 'You know I could tile something with those' and then you don't. Wistful.
Daniel - Having a robot in your pocket. But a smartphone, not a real person-shaped robot.
Isaac - Bears, brown or tie-dye, they're pretty badass, and high-quality apex predators.
Jenni - Book burning, satisfying, but I kind of regret doing it.

BQ2 - Episode Eleven

2010-07-07T19:18:00.000-07:00

Miguel's - Green Chile Pork Burrito
One might say that one could throw a rock in this town and hit a burrito place. The resulting burrito, in this case, might just be delicious. Miguel's is some small place that none of us had ever heard of, and that provided us burritos when Go Burger failed us with it's breakfast/lunch only service hours. Good on ya, Miguel's! A tasty, spicy burrito, they also serve up some tasty, kind of vinegar-based salsa. And they are apparently open 24 hours-a-day (but only on the weekend). Burrito Quest enthusiastically recommends! Also, the quest goes international as a random web hit from Brazil excites us all. We doubt it is Shakira, or even that she's Brazilian. We wonder whether burrito lovers would appreciate a burrito automat. Daniel relates a story about a fish burrito with coleslaw he had in Tucson.

Ingredients: Pork, Green Chile

Ratings:
Ben - Giant squid, they're kind of remote...giant tentacles, they're really smart and can control technology and fight whales; I like giant squid, who doesn't?
Daniel - Drinking beer on the porch in the summertime, in the evening, I like the simplicity and the flavorfulness.
Isaac - Cadbury egg, they're pretty good but there's bad things about them too.

BQ2 - Episode Ten

2010-06-28T19:23:00.000-07:00

Roberto's - Burrito Banadero/Potato Burrito

Well, last week was a bust. The hiatus went on longer than any of us wanted. There was a slim chance for a breakfast burrito from a donut place, but no. Instead we come back at ya with a quest to a Las Cruces landmark(?). Roberto's has been providing cheap Mexican food to the masses since, well, a long time. And they are renowned for making the world's biggest enchilada. We wish they were renowned for making the world's most delicious burrito. This is not the case. All in all what they really excel at is making cheap, mediocre Mexican food. The banadero was a bit spicy and tasty, and the potato burrito was bland as hell. Eating both of them back to back was somewhat like a throwback to the uneven burritos of OBQ, when all the potatoes would get jammed on one side of the burrito; it would start out great and get awful by the end. Isaac tries to bait Ben into making racist comments. We all decide a little more ethnicity is needed back on the quest.

Ingredients: Banadero - Green Chile, Beef, Cheese, and smothered with Green Chile sauce; Potato Burrito - Potatoes. Yeah, just potatoes.

Ratings:
Ben - Someone else's dog, you get to meet a dog, and see it, and you think, "This is a cool dog," and then it goes away. The potato one though, used napkins, someone else used them, and you have to clean them up.
Daniel - Instant mashed potatoes, for both burritos together, I used to eat them with bread after high school while watching Star Trek, kind of a nostalgic memory, but the reality is not that great.
Isaac -Thanksgiving, for the first burrito, because I'm thankful it's not the second burrito.

Hiatus Schmiatus

2010-06-12T07:26:00.000-07:00

So we're on break again. We had hoped to be able to cram a burrito into the beginning of last week, but alas, this was not to be. So let's talk about t-shirts instead.

I got the first one in the mail last week and it looked like ass. The orange colors completely washed out Ben's face and there were other color/contrast issues as well. Before I could warn folks about it, Ben and Sage both ordered shirts. Their's were fine. Or better, anyway. I put in for a replacement and should have it soon. So the link is back up in the merchandise post. Buy t-shirts for everyone you know!

Next week, burritos or bust.
-Daniel

BQ2 - Episode Nine

2010-06-03T17:39:00.000-07:00

Hiebert's - Steak Finger Burrito

Oh, Hiebert's, we had such high hopes for you. This burrito is apparently misnamed. One would think that Steak Finger Burrito would mean a burrito filled with steak fingers. One would be incorrect. Instead, we got a burrito filled with steak, without batter of any kind. Disappointment abounds! And it tastes like Hamburger Helper. Behold, Ben wears a Burrito Quest shirt featuring himself as he quests! It is a magical thing.

Ingredients: Steak, Green Chile, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Forgetting to put the trash can out on trash day.
Daniel - Henry Weinhard's Private Reserve, if I didn't know any better I'd say it's really good.
Isaac -Cat or dog food, you look at it and think "That looks good" then you pick it up and put it in your mouth and it's not good. I end up feeling just a little confused and stupid.

Burrito Quest '09 - The Merchandise

2010-05-26T15:13:00.000-07:00

Now you too can wear Ben's face on your chest, for all the world to see! Or see it smiling back at you as you wake up with your morning coffee! Proclaim your approval of this sacred quest! Buy now!

Buy a T-Shirt!

Buy A Mug!

Take note, if you'd like a different style and/or color of either (including baby jumpers and beer steins), there are about a billion options to the right on the Zazzle page.

BQ2 - Episode Eight

2010-05-24T19:18:00.000-07:00

Pepe's Chicken - Grilled Chicken / Pork Adobado

Pepe's Chicken is not strictly a burrito place, and it shows in their burrito construction. They essentially just roll the ingredients up and throw it in some foil. They make up for that with fresh and tasty ingredients. Well, 50% tasty. Not that the chicken was bad, just a little bland. They also have a multi-salsa bar to which we helped ourselves to two delicious (and spicy) salsas, one bland salsa, some pico de gallo, and limes. It turns out we may have fans, in Colorado and Alabama. Who knew? What's up Johnny and Jenny! Ben argues that we should argue more, like we did in OBQ (Original Burrito Quest). Isaac and Daniel argue the counterpoint. No one wins, not even the listener. We all agree that this recording may have been funnier if Isaac had slammed 5 beers before it rather than after.

Ingredients: Grilled Chicken - chicken, lettuce, tomato; Pork Adobado - pork, lettuce

Ratings:
Ben - Mismatched dishes, you know, like bachelor dishes. They're kind of eclectic.
Daniel - Johnny Suaro, at his wife's 30th birthday party, answering his 2-year-old son's offer of cake: "No thanks, Daddy's having liquid cake." Good one.
Isaac - Chicken - a tire, about as exciting as that; Pork - a dirtbike, very exciting.

BQ2 - Episode Seven

2010-05-12T19:22:00.000-07:00

Princess Tacos - Meat & Red/Green Chile

Princess Tacos has apparently been around since 1952. It's a run down little drive-in that never looks like it's open but sometimes is. The burritos are small, greasy, and cheap. We went for two burritos each, one red chile and one green chile, based both on the hiatus from last week, and the small size. The flavor isn't bad but man, this is the kind of place where you sort of expect to get food poisoning and are mildly surprised when you don't. We'll let know how that works out next time.

Ingredients: Meat and Chile (Red or Green)

Ratings:
Ben - Counter pizza, pizza that you left on the counter then eat again a few days later.
Daniel - Finding a free ball cap in the casino in Vegas, kinda sketchy, and smelly, but it's a free cap.
Isaac - Monte Carlo, the car, it's a classic, it's authentic but a little sketchy.

BQ2 - Episode Six

2010-04-27T19:25:00.000-07:00

Habaneros - Macho Chimichanga
Lordy Bagordy! The biggest burrito we have ever seen. Daniel's brother once ate a two-pound burrito to win a t-shirt. This is about the same size burrito, only we don't get prizes. Habaneros is a drive-in that used to be a Sonic or something long ago. We were drawn to it by one its signs proclaiming "King Burrito." Turns out that's what they call all of their burritos. Not really a chimichanga, as it would likely be impossible to fry this log without it falling apart, but still a tasty burrito. At least for the first third of it. A word of advice: If you commit yourself to eating all of this monstrosity, do it quickly, before your stomach can signal your brain to protest. The fact that none of us vomited after eating this thing may only be due to our training; consume at your own risk!

Ingredients: Beef, Chicken, Rice, Beans, Cheese, Red or Green Chile, Guacamole, and Sour Cream

Ratings:
Ben - Spandex, in theory is an awesome thing, but not in practice.
Daniel - A Great Old One, so big as to be unmanageable but also intriguing.
Isaac - A nuclear bomb, the concept is amazing, but in reality it's pretty awful.

BQ2 - Episode Five

2010-04-20T19:12:00.000-07:00

Green Burrito - Beef, Bean, & Cheese

Another chain fast-food burrito so quickly...not so good. Green Burrito was a chain that was bought by Carl's Jr. The association, as far as we can tell, may have downgraded the quality of this food. That's if they were ever good in the first place, which, if not, then how'd they get snatched up by a national chain? Ben nails it on the head with his description of it as a microwave convenience-store burrito. Also, the salsa pretty much just tasted like sugar. Looking at their website some of the burritos look pretty tasty. We may never find out if that is true. Fearing the burritos may not be hefty enough we picked up some little Crisp Burritos to go with the main course. They were not much better.

Ingredients: "Seasoned ground beef, refried beans, jack and cheddar cheeses, and hot sauce wrapped in a flour tortilla"

Ratings:
Ben - Bathroom sink backing up, cause then your realize the sink is connected to the toilet.
Daniel - Whacking yourself in the nuts while doing yard work.
Isaac - A coma, and not knowing whether you are going to wake or not.
+Crisp Burritos - The tail end of an allergy attack, blisters, closing your fingers in the door

BQ2 - Episode Four

2010-04-13T19:16:00.000-07:00

Sonic - Super Sonic Breakfast Burrito

The first of our, "maybe you don't want to go here for burritos" burritos. Sub-par tortilla wrapped around ingredients that tasted like they were manufactured to taste good, but somehow didn't. The jalapeños were likely the high point of the whole thing. We were so excited about the super special ingredient in this burrito (tater tots, that is) that a mountain of tater tots was purchased along with the burritos. Behold, as Isaac stuffs his mouth with an astounding 21 tater tots!

Ingredients: "Savory Sausage, Scrambled Egg, Melty Cheese, Tater Tots, Diced Onions, Ripe Tomatoes and Spicy Jalapeños"

Ratings:
Ben - Accidentally running a red light, but there are no cops around.
Daniel - Reading a wikipedia article to keep from being bored at work, it's better than falling asleep at your desk.
Isaac - Wet cardboard, it's about that exciting.
+Tots - Tummy ache, Like watching a man put 22 tots in his mouth, Going to see an unimpressive national monument

BQ2 - Episode Three

2010-04-06T19:06:00.000-07:00

El Sombrero - Chicken Fajita Burrito (Smothered with Chile Con Queso)

The first sit-down, fork-necessary burrito of the quest. Hearty pieces of chicken, spicy queso; tasty and filling. Santa Fe Gill still misses us, or Ben anyway. There is a lot of chip crunching on this episode. Ben douches out on our rating system. Our answer, circus animal cookies are delicious.

Ingredients: Chicken, Onions, Peppers, Chile Con Queso

Ratings:
Ben - Bag o' cookies, cookies, like in a bag, where they are mine. A bag of Albertsons cookies.
Daniel - Chocolate birthday cake, it's not my favorite cake but it's good.
Isaac - Battletoads, cool, well maybe, either way mutant amphibians, not as cool as mutant reptile turtles.

BQ2 - Episode Two

2010-03-30T19:20:00.000-07:00

Fidencio's - Machaca Burrito

Some kind of burrito whose ingredients and name are unknown to us, somewhat. Wikipedia tells us that machaca used to be comprised of reconstituted dried meat. Not the case here. A large burrito, and fairly tasty, it's flavor was helped a lot by the salsa provided. The tortillas from Fidencio's are different from an we've had before, thin and somewhat waxy, but pretty sturdy. We diverge onto ideas for various pot pie, pasty, and hot pocket quests. We bust on Sage's nostalgic food tastes. Ben and Isaac are not funny. Salsa Bro, not yet found.

Ingredients: Beef or Pork(?), Egg, Peppers, Onions, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Discovering a new deep sea creature, like a deep sea squid or some new angler fish or something, I'd eat this burrito again right now.
Daniel - A rock hitting my windshield but not cracking it, it startles you but your windshield's not cracked so it's not all bad.
Isaac - Hummers...the cars, ultimately they're too big, and really unnecessary, but they might be awesome in extreme conditions.
+Quesadilla -Thumbs up, Corona Light, a hummer

BQ2 - Episode One

2010-03-23T19:13:00.000-07:00

Burger Time - Meat Burrito (w/Green Chile)

The quest, it continues. Small burritos though they are (almost a burrito slider) they're chock full of flavor. A little salty, a little greasy, a little heat, but all in all a very stock, tasty burrito. Salsa Bro, not yet found.

Ingredients: Ground Beef, Potato, Green Chile, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Discount ammunition, it's not even vaguely disappointing, it's just kind of there.
Daniel - Being able to order a small beer when you've already had several large beers, it's nice when maybe you've had almost too much beer and don't want another huge one.
Isaac - Coke, or Pepsi, soda, it's there, it's pretty good, I drink it, I don't have much to complain about. It's not the nectar of the gods but it's not disgusting.

Burrito Quest 2: The Search for Salsa Bro

2010-03-17T19:42:00.000-07:00

And so we find ourselves, once again engaged, with this tortilla wrapped bounty. The quest returns, perhaps sooner than we originally thought. Our quest, while similar, has changed in scope. We know Salsa Bro is out there somewhere, his God-given skills not wasted outside of the food service industry. And so we quest to find him. We'll look in every burristablishment this town has to offer! And if, when, we find him, what then, you ask? We will bow down before his burritosity, acknowledging for the world to hear that his is true master of his craft. Also, we'll probably give him a t-shirt.

So, join us weekly, or so, as we hunt for Salsa Bro, who got fired for making good burritos. Or he may as well have. Giving out free food to hot chicks is practically a hallmark of the food industry, so we don't really see how they can fault the guy for that.

Oh, yeah, and that t-shirt is coming, so stay tuned.

Week Sixty

2010-03-16T19:16:00.000-07:00

Vegginator

Here we are, at the last burro. How far we've come. And typically, like most of the quest, there is disappointment, there is spice, and there is hilarity. We find out the ultimate fate of Salsa Bro. And along those lines, this burrito is some kind of structural disaster. The Quesadilla de Muerto is somewhat aptly named, and apparently correctly made this time. The quest comes full circle with a burrito that is surprisingly tasty, and that falls apart all over the place. This quest has been an adventure in gastrointestinal fortitude. And it will be missed. Of course, we will likely spend another couple of months winding down by eating our way through the standard burrito menu. Also, there may be some kind of burrito party to say thanks to our burrito guests. So stay tuned for that. Adios, Burrito Questers!

Ingredients: Veggies, Potato, (Rice), Beans, Green Chile, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - A no u turn sign, I never listen to those things when I'm in a different city. Sometimes I ignore them, sometimes I don't.
Daniel - Cell phones, I don't want to like cell phones, but they are useful sometimes. Mostly I like other people's cell phones, because I can use them without them ringing in my pants.
Isaac -Legos, I like legos a lot.
+Quesadilla - Lava lamps, 12-sided dice, sandals

Overall Quest Ratings:
Ben - Chicken and waffles, a truly transcendent meal. It takes you somewhere, and this quest took us somewhere.
Daniel - College, I didn't always want to be in class but I loved college. It was the easiest time of my life, and it was awesome.
Isaac - Satellite photos of planets I've never seen, it was that amazing.

Week Fifty-Nine

2010-03-12T19:21:00.000-08:00

Undertaker
Second to the last of the quest, this burro was vaguely disappointing when it could have been so good; much like this recording. Also, we added the second quesadilla, the Chicken Club Quesadilla, and the cook fucked it all up by leaving out 50% of the ingredients. We miss Salsa Bro. Amy joins us again with another, inferior, Aardvark. Oh, and Ben was fucking wrong about the tiny monkeys. In your face, Ben!

Ingredients: Steak, Potato, Pico, Salsa, Green Chile, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Driving on the highway and completely missing your exit.
Daniel - Going to the hardware store because you are feeling productive and not being able to get what you needed. So fucking disappointing.
Isaac - Hiking with a rock in your boot, so that you would have to take off your entire boot, which is a pain in the ass. It doesn't hurt but it's really annoying.
Amy - Driving to work late and realizing your low fuel light has been on for over a day and a half.
+Quesadilla - When you go to the men's room at work right after someone else and it fucking stinks, having to clean up fresh cat puke, a snake in your boot.

Week Fifty-Eight

2010-03-05T19:46:00.000-08:00

Ultimate Sin

The first of three burrito + quesadilla nights! We quest on Friday instead of Tuesday due to quester travels. Amy joins us but opts once again for the Aardvark, due to her veggicism. This is one of the best burritos we've had. Good flavor and texture balance. The quesadilla, in comparison, only mediocre. Isaac loses weight on the hematoma diet, Amy brings boobs to the quest, Ben adds racism to the quest, and Daniel overly appreciates a boosh. We are all sinners!

Ingredients: Chicken, Bacon, Pico, Green Chile, Milanesa, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Calling in sick but not actually being sick. Wait, have I used this rating? I will rate this burrito walruses. They have tusks and are probably gay, humping each other all day long, probably, according to Wikipedia.
Daniel - Electric lighting, it makes a lot of things possible. One of the best inventions ever.
Isaac - Negro Modelo, I like it a lot, and out of the Mexican beers it's my favorite.
Amy - Going to White Sands and drinking beer with your coworkers on your furlough day.
+Quesadilla - Lemurs, tinfoil, chihuahuas

Week Fifty-Seven

2010-02-23T18:58:00.000-08:00

Ultimate Breakfast

Burrito Quest Update: BQ is almost over! Well, kind of. We've decided to continue on from the specialty menu and eat the burritos from the regular menu as well. Wow, are our listeners lucky! In this installment Ben expresses his unrequited love for butter, Isaac wants to name a burrito the Dildo, and Daniel imagines old people in super-hero costumes. We all prove that we, after all the messes, now know how to deal with greasy mess-fest burros.

Ingredients: Sausage, Veggies, Eggs, Green Chile, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Failing a class you should have passed, and realizing you should have passed it.
Daniel - Old coconut water, it's bitter and nasty, unlike fresh coconut water.
Isaac - Salt & Vinegar chips, I usually hate what Ben loves, so there you go.

Week Fifty-Six

2010-02-16T19:07:00.000-08:00

Ultimate BBQ

Recording snafu! How did we make it this far without one before? At least we noticed it before we had been going for more than a few minutes. In this episode we try not to plumb the depths of Ben's retarded brains. Also we bust on Alex a little bit. But only a little. Then the episode devolves into Cheez Ums and half-burrito frugality. We're sorry.

Ingredients: Chicken, Steak, Bacon, Onions, BBQ Sauce, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Banana, one that you haven't eaten soon enough. I don't like mushy bananas.
Daniel - Dungeons & Dragons novels, they're occasionally alright when I need something to shut my brain off and just read and have a good time with. But it's entertaining still.
Isaac - Cheez Ums, I'd rather have a Cheez It any day. No wait, Cheese Nips, there's no such things as Cheez Ums. I'd rather have a Cheez It, Cheez Its are pretty good.

Week Fifty-Five

2010-02-09T19:08:00.000-08:00

Trucker Special

Greasy, just like you like it. A messy, gut-bomb of a burrito. Isaac booshes Tony while claiming to not want to boosh Tony. Ben likes the word 'gritty.' Daniel espouses about the current technological capabilities of scantrons. We all use Doritos as palate cleanser, if that's any indication of how much we liked it.

Ingredients: Chorizo, Sausage, Bacon, Egg, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Needing to get an oil change, but not getting around to it. I'm sort of vaguely failing, but can't put a finger on what went wrong.
Daniel - Sarah Palin, in the immortal words of Stephen Colbert, "She's a fucking retard."
Isaac - A No. 2 pencil, it's about that exciting.

Week Fifty-Four

2010-02-02T19:16:00.000-08:00

The Bear

The Undiscovered Burrito! The Bear has been added since we started these shenanigans. And we found it just in time. All in all a pretty lame burro. Use a tortilla instead of a bun for a mediocre bbq sandwich, and you have this burrito. Daniel is still butt hurt about the Iron Man. Isaac seems to think these recordings are actually in some way humorous. Ben may or may not get turned on by burritos.

Ingredients: Brisket, BBQ Sauce, Green Chile, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Retarded people, I feel bad for them but they seem like they're having a pretty good time.
Daniel - Ben's beard, it's very thick and I don't want it in my mouth. That's what she said!
Isaac - Not the Rock, I'd eat this before the Rock, but I'd rather not eat either.

Week Fifty-Three

2010-01-26T07:04:00.000-08:00

Stone Cold Stunner

On the small side, but spicy. The marathon aspect of the quest may be catching up with the ingredient list. That is, we may be getting bored and finding no real new surprises. Except for the provolone, which made for some delicious creaminess. Hot jalapenos, BQ moves its regular night to Tuesday, Daniel (likely) messes up the theory of hot and cold medicine, Ben is not Latino, Isaac is off his game.

Ingredients: 2 Steak, Pico, BBQ Sauce, and Provolone

Ratings:
Ben - Beagles, what do you think about beagles? You know how you can get a small beagle and it's awesome, and you can get a big beagle and it's awesome. Definitely beagle.
Daniel - Squirt guns in the summer time, it's fun to squirt people. It's fun and lots of people like it, not everyone, not the people you're squirting in the face.
Isaac - Contraceptives, like condoms, cause the alternative is better but they do serve a purpose and they're a good old standby. Good old standby, but it's not barebackin.

Week Fifty-Two

2010-01-18T19:07:00.000-08:00

Smack Down

One year of eating burritos! Who'da thunk it? We get lucky on our burrito hamiversary in that the burrito we were supposed to eat, Scott's (Horrible) Choice with 2 sausage, has been taken off their in-store specialty menu. That coupled with the similar elimination of the Shrimp Fajita has us giddy with joy. So, on with the show. Luther Burgers, Taco Bell founder's death, and hotness; a great time had by all.

Ingredients: 2 Steak, Pico de Gallo, Veggies, Potatoes, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Craters, not potholes, where like a meteor crashes, with a little thing in the middle that's tipped up, I like craters, they're pretty big.
Daniel - Brontosaurus Burger, from the Flintstones, it's a pretty cool idea, but the execution might not be so great. Probably taste like a platypus.
Isaac - Getting pulled over and getting a warning, not a ticket, it sucks that you got pulled over but, whew!

Week Fifty-One

2010-01-11T19:17:00.000-08:00

Sandia Special

We deem ourselves lucky that this burrito was not an awful disaster. Salsa Bro must have sensed our trepidation when he was making it and put a lesser amount of milanesa on. All in all an ok burrito, a bit on the sweet side from caramelizing the sugars in the bbq sauce. We may be running out of things to talk about, since we resort to discussing Twittering from the bathroom. Oh, and we started earlier than usual and the beginning drags, but hopefully the latter half makes up for it.

Ingredients: 2 Steak, Potato, Green Chile, Milanesa, BBQ Sauce, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - The Buddha, not the burrito, but the Buddha himself, I don't know a lot about the Buddha, hypothetically I think it would be really interesting.
Daniel - Grocery store brand cola, or Dr. Thunder, it's carbonated and sweet, but not as good as a name brand cola.
Isaac - The last Terminator movie, I came in with high hopes and it was a big, fat letdown.

Week Fifty

2010-01-04T19:16:00.000-08:00

Rock

What a bland burrito. Half white, half yellow. Salsa Bro would've had to have given us an entire bag of salsa to make this burrito not suck. Apparently Sage and Isaac both had dinner right before this burrito. Big mistake? All in all, not a great fiftieth burrito. Oh yeah, as soon as Sage proposes we've decided to Quest from a strip club, whether he proposed to Sarah or Isaac.

Ingredients: Chicken, Egg, Potato, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Pot holes, I don't hit them very often, and I kind of like them and I don't know why.
Daniel - Going back to work after New Year's Break, sitting there and realizing this is going to be the same goddamn thing for the next year, boring and dreary.
Isaac - Chlamydia, um...I hear it's a really, really shitty thing to have...and I don't want it.
Sage - WASPs, White Anglo-Saxon Protestants, because it's about as bland as you can get.

Week Forty-Nine

2009-12-30T12:28:00.000-08:00

Red Rider

A crowded Quest for the end of the year. Jon, Cameron, Sage, and Alex all join us for this moderately better than average burrito. They were all lucky that this week was not the Rambler. For us regular Questers, we were lucky not to have a really crappy burrito for the last of the year. To round things out we all do shots of salsa.

Ingredients: Red Chile Pork, Eggs, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Waking up on your day off at 7 o'clock, I like sleeping in on my days off a lot, it's vaguely disappointing, like you should be happy but you're not really happy.
Daniel - An ok action movie, like Live Free or Die Hard, somewhat enjoyable, not amazing.
Isaac - Snickers, it's my favorite candy bar, but I don't really like candy bars that much, among the things that I don't like that much it's the best.
Alex - Coke Zero, I like Coke Zero.
Cameron - Too full bowl of soup, and I don't like soup.
Jon - eBay rating of A++, I'd purchase with this burrito, but it's no A++++++.
Sage - Terry, the dog, a good companion, and I'd have one any day.

Week Forty-Eight

2009-12-23T19:31:00.000-08:00

Rambler

Ugh...another veggie burrito. Sage gets lucky (bad lucky) as he shows up for the holidays and quests with us. So, veggies made a mess again, eggs were out of place, and the sour cream just contributed to the overall blandness. Daniel equates it to the flip-side of the Gobbler coin, the one without any salt. Sage booshes Ben, but good!

Ingredients: Veggies, Pico, Eggs, Sour Creme(sic), and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - A light on your dashboard that comes on when something on your car is broken, it's worse than if it was just the light itself that was broken and stayed on all the time.
Daniel - Adult contemporary music, there's nothing I like about it.
Isaac - The flu, the cold I'd like to have and I'm relatively up and able, it's not quite as bad as death, but you feel like it.
Sage - Ben, because you come a long way expecting something great, then it's inside you and you just want to throw up.

Week Forty-Seven

2009-12-14T19:17:00.000-08:00

Pollo Loco

Another bbq burrito that redeems bbq sauce in burritos. Very, very spicy as well. Our quest has proof positive that is it influencing the masses. Some guy ordered these same burritos based on the fact that we ordered them. He quests with us for this night, elsewhere, unknowingly. Poor guy.

Ingredients: 2 Chicken, Provolone, Pico, BBQ Sauce, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - The space shuttle, they're not going to make that anymore; you remember the space shuttle as being something cool, then you have a moment of sadness.
Daniel - Conan, any Conan, I like Conan, but when I read too many Conan stories I don't want Conan for a while.
Isaac - Miniature horses (or donkeys), you can't ride them, I don't know what purpose they serve, much like I don't know why you'd put bbq sauce in a burrito, but man are they cute.

Week Forty-Six

2009-12-12T17:16:00.000-08:00

Mega Fajita

This burrito was screwed up by the burristra. She also screwed up our companion Tony's. All in all a bad day for Santa Fe Grill. Also, it being a busy week, finals week including Hanukkah for Ben, we had burritos on an off night. The missing ingredient may have saved this burrito. There was less puddling than expected.

Ingredients: Steak, Chicken, Green Chile, Bacon, Veggies, ~~Sour Creme(sic)~~, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Going home for lunch, I really like going home for lunch but I wish it was longer, and I wish when I went home for lunch there was more sour cream.
Daniel - Carl's Jr., because based on their pastrami burger commercial, I would expect to hate anything from Carl's Jr., but they actually make some pretty delicious food.
Isaac - Moon Pies, they're pretty good, usually I have them on road trips then I forget about them, and then I find them again at the gas station and, holy shit, these are badass, and I don't regret it.

Week Forty-Five

2009-11-30T19:11:00.000-08:00

Medicine Man

Two decent burritos in a row. It's a burrito miracle! Isaac waxes philosophical about the Deer Hunter, which this burrito resembles. Grits and hash browns are not the same food. Daniel thinks balancing dry and moist materials makes a successful burrito. Ben thinks pico makes a successful burrito. Neither know what they hell they are talking about.

Ingredients: Steak, Chicken, Bacon, Potato, Green Chile, Milanesa, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Buzz Aldrin, not Buzz Lightyear, he's an astronaut isn't he? He went to the moon, he punched a reporter. I don't know much about him, but I don't have any negative feelings toward him.
Daniel - Black Jack, it's about my favorite game to play when I go to Vegas. It's not playing video poker at the bar and getting free drinks for only $10 worth of quarters though.
Isaac - Guinness Stout, a really good stout, I would give anyone just trying out a stout a Guinness Stout. I have stouts that I like more but I'm never above ordering a Guinness.

Week Forty-Four

2009-11-27T19:05:00.000-08:00

Medic

This burrito redeemed bbq burritos for Daniel. Isaac, not so much. Ben...well, Ben like bbq whether it's on a burrito or a turd. Tony makes a cameo with some kind of non-standard sausage burrito. MEDIC!

Ingredients: 2 Chicken, Green Chile, Pico, BBQ Sauce, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Dodgeball, I have really fond memories of dodgeball and I would play dodgeball right now if I had a ball.
Daniel - Kickball, kickball's fun, whether you have a really big ball or not.
Isaac - Trick or Treating and getting only hard candy, you want the chocolate, you want the gummi candies, some fucker gives you a cough drop.
Tony - I wouldn't throw my shoe at it out of disrespect.

Week Forty-Three

2009-11-16T18:56:00.000-08:00

Meat Lovers

Sausage made this burrito gross. Well, maybe it was just a pork overload, but the grease came from the sausage, so... Again, the burrito collapsed, this time pouring grease out as it went. Ugh. Grease.

Ingredients: Ham, Sausage, Bacon, Potato, Pico, Eggs, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Sage, 1) You should never ingest this into your body, just like Sage, 2) It's called Meat Lovers...just like Sage.
Daniel - Homework on the first day of school, who the fuck assigns homework on the first day of school, it cuts into your drinking time, this is a notch above the Gobbler.
Isaac - Dan's big notched belt, that sounds weird and kind of gross.

Week Forty-Two

2009-11-09T18:48:00.000-08:00

Mean Greener

Sloppy and messy, just like last week. Questing this burrito felt repetitive and unnecessary. Also, more arguments with Ben about pork. Or salmon. Whatever, Ben! Why don't you go on cock quest with Tony and Sage!

Ingredients: Green Chile Pork, Bean, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Solar eclipse, where everybody gets (not an erection) super powers, or planet-wide erectile dysfunction. Hmm, how about a lunar eclipse...
Daniel - Dinner at Si Senor, I'd rather eat at any other Mexican restaurant in Las Cruces, except for La Posta.
Isaac - Socks, just plain white socks, the blandest pair of socks.

Week Forty-One

2009-11-02T19:16:00.000-08:00

Mean Green

A mess of a burrito, it felt squishy like a tortilla filled with mud. Our previous run-ins with crappy burrito construction prepared us though and complete burrito meltdown was largely avoided. Mmm...burrito smoothie. NO GOBBLERS!

Ingredients: Green Chile Meat, Beans, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, the movie, it should have been good, and was in places. Or like Star Wars I, some parts of that were pretty good but overall it was a mess.
Daniel - Nachos from the movie theater, their kind of messy and they're not good nachos. I'd order just about any other burrito (no gobblers) than deal with this mess again.
Isaac - The Hindenburg.

Halloween Special Edition

2009-10-30T21:06:00.000-07:00

Iron Man Redux

With the recording for Week Thirty-One lost for all time we decided to do a little something special to commemorate the dead episode. And what better time to do that than Halloween weekend. We may not have the recording, but we do have the chat transcript in which Daniel gets mad at Ben and Isaac for questing without him. We also have awesome significant others, who graciously agreed to provide their voices for the dramatic reading of said transcript. We hope you enjoy. Happy Burrito-Ween!

Ingredients: Amy, Carrie, and Jenni

Ratings:
Ben - This may be the best episode of Burrito Quest we've ever done.
Daniel - Badass!
Isaac - HAHA!

Week Forty

2009-10-26T19:34:00.000-07:00

Mario Bros.
This was the Junkyard Dog, minus the chicken and steak added. A divisive burrito for our Questers. Ben reveals his contempt for people who are not him. Daniel yells at Ben. Isaac tries to bridge the gap. There is reminiscence about old Nintendo games. Of course there is.

Ingredients: Steak, Ham, Potato, Bacon, Green Chile, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Little salsa cup, the only reason you care is if you don't get enough of them and need them for the burrito to be good.
Daniel - Mario Bros. on the Nintendo, I loved that game, but not as much as Zelda.
Isaac - Waffles, I like waffles, I like pancakes better, every once in a while it's good but if I had it too regularly I'd probably side with Ben.

Week Thirty-Nine

2009-10-19T19:33:00.000-07:00

Mankind

The Devil's Breath, minus one Steak and plus one Chicken. A strange, tomato-y, spicy flavor turns the burrito into some kind of good/bad jambalaya, without the rice. A good burrito. SPICE!

Ingredients: Steak, Chicken, Potato, Pico, Green Chile, Salsa, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Land mines, sometimes they're good, depending on who they're blowing up. I like landmines, but I feel like I shouldn't.
Daniel - The Steel Remains by Richard K. Morgan, it's a good book that steps outside of what fantasy novels normally do, but, man, there are some really uncomfortable gay sex scenes.
Isaac - A surprise birthday party, it's a mixed bag, someone went out of their way for you, but then you get stupid drunk and wake up hung over the next morning and wish you had just stayed home to eat cake and watch gay sex.

Week Thirty-Eight

2009-10-12T19:25:00.000-07:00

Macho Man

How quickly Ben forgets the Junkyard Dog. This is another burrito that collapses in-hand. Ultimately a kind of forgettable and unnecessary burrito. Ben, shut up about Taco Bell already!

Ingredients: Chicken, Bacon, Beans, Eggs, and Milanesa

Ratings:
Ben - Road rash, but only if you're going kind of slow, you weren't doing anything cool but you got kind of hurt.
Daniel - Wet naps, it's for people who get messy when they eat, and they don't taste that great.
Isaac - Road trips with friends when you're coming back from wherever you went, it becomes just an endurance test.

Week Thirty-Seven

2009-10-05T19:23:00.000-07:00

Lumberjack

Our largest Quest ever, we have three guest questers, one all the way from Alabama. Who knew anyone was actually listening to this? Marty brings some class to the Quest by eating his burrito with scotch while wearing a dress jacket. Ben disappoints by shaving off his lumberjack-like beard before we eat the Lumberjack. Man, do we bust on Sage a lot on Burrito Quest.

Ingredients: Steak, Ham, Bacon, Egg, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Swine flu, 1) I just thought of swine flu because we're talking about pork, 2) and I thought I had swine flu a little while ago and it wasn't that bad, for most people they can have it and they're going to be ok.
Daniel - Dr. Zoidberg, my second favorite character on Futurama, on the Futurama scale this is a solid Dr. Zoidberg.
Isaac - Pancakes at Village Inn, I've had better pancakes but those are a good standby.
Jenni - It's a ride on a swing, it isn't the greatest thing ever, but I can't seem to stop myself when I see one.
Robert - 4/5, it's definitely one that I would buy again, and it's one of the few times one of these burritos has made me full.
Marty - Great hangover burrito, it's got all your bulk and grease in one place, 4 Advils and a Gatorade.

Week Thirty-Six

2009-09-28T07:20:00.000-07:00

Logger

The burritos were very small this week. That was probably a saving grace for the Logger, as the meatiness may have been overwhelmingly salty if it had been as big as they usually are. Although we feel somewhat cheated by the size, we are all much less bloated when we're done. All in all this burrito is right up there with El Gringo, it's for folks who don't want any chance of spice in their burrito.

Ingredients: Steak, Ham, Chicken, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Emo music, it has good roots but it doesn't appear to be worth anything, then sometimes you're surprised.
Daniel - Pirate's of the Caribbean, it should have been awful but it ended up being fun and enjoyable.
Isaac - Children under the age of 13, they're very picky about what they like...but then Ben interrupts and who knows what Isaac was going to say.

Week Thirty-Five

2009-09-23T19:18:00.000-07:00

Kid Dynamite

Return of the Afterburner, plus a relleno. This burrito had a lot to live up to, and it did in spades. This may be the best burrito in the whole Quest. In keeping with recent episodes, Daniel makes a huge mess. Ben pimps Taco Bell Quest, some inferior quest he's embarking on.

Ingredients: Chorizo, Relleno, Green Chile, Pico, Beans, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Like walking through a cool and comfortable city and someone walks up and hands you some good beer...and this burrito.
Daniel - I love you burrito!
Isaac - I want another one of these right now!

Week Thirty-Four

2009-09-14T19:30:00.000-07:00

Junkyard Dog

Again, burrito construction was less than optimal, but this time everyone's burrito shits the bed. Isaac pulls a Sage and starts texting during the Quest. Ben refuses to prove he's not castrated.

Ingredients: Chicken, Ham, Potato, Bacon, Green Chile, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Memorial Day weekend, obviously it had to have happened but I don't remember what I did, but it was probably ok.
Daniel - Toast and coffee, a pretty standard breakfast, a somewhat tasty burrito but just mediocre overall.
Isaac - Household pets, I like 'em but you have to clean up their shit but they're expensive and a crap-ton of work. And yes, we're talking about Tony.

Week Thirty-Three

2009-09-07T19:04:00.000-07:00

Joker's Wild

A big burrito, Daniel's collapsed under it's own weight and made a mess everywhere. He ended up eating the guts of his burrito off the wrapper. Man, overall this is a really boring recording.

Ingredients: Chicken, Potato, Pico, Green Chile, Salsa, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Somebody bringing you fast food, as opposed to having to go get it yourself. It's a mixed blessing.
Daniel - Having burritos that are pretty good with your pals, I wish the Iron Man could have been like that.
Isaac - Like if you have one friend that you don't want to show up, so you don't tell him what's going on, and he's an asshole....NOT!

Week Thirty-Two

2009-08-31T19:31:00.000-07:00

Jerry Springer

This recording was less structured, if that's possible. We just kind of started the recording and rambled for a while. Ok, so it's kind of like most of the other recordings: we talk nonsense about some mediocre burrito. It was the first burrito after the Iron Man, so there's a lot of discussion about that too.

Ingredients: Turkey, Potato, Egg, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Slow moving traffic, when you're in slow moving traffic you cease to care about where you're headed.
Daniel - Riding an elephant in Thailand, good/bad 'cause you get to ride an elephant, but that elephant may be being mistreated when you're not there.
Isaac - Some food that my roommate Tony would make, this could have been an ok burrito but it could have had a lot more to it.
$teve - Generic vanilla ice cream, it could use something to go with it, but it's generally just ok.

Week Thirty-One

2009-08-24T19:19:00.000-07:00

Iron Man

The lost burrito. Ben and Isaac decided not to wait till later in the week and went ahead and Quested with $teve while Daniel was out of town for work. Daniel got really pissed, Isaac apologized, and Ben blamed the whole thing on Isaac. Tellingly, the recording of their betrayal was deleted from $teve's mp3 player by his daughter. Here's a small sample of how Daniel felt after the fact:

"A-holes! Most of my rage at you crackers questing without me now stems from the fact that I ate the Iron Man and its mediocrity was appalling. I hear y'all thought it was delicious. Also, eating these crappy burritos alone is just sad. Fuck you guys."

Ingredients: Chicken, Rice, Green Chile, and Salsa

Ratings:
Ben - ???
Daniel - It tasted like betrayal.
Isaac - ???
$teve - ???

Week Thirty

2009-08-21T19:03:00.000-07:00

Green Mile

Ben makes up for his Gobbler absence by eating the Gobbler right before he eats the Green Mile. A true Burrito Knight! Amy joins us again, and again (smartly) chooses to go her own way in choosing a burrito.

Ingredients: Green Chile Pork, Pico, Beans, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - A dream that you forget after you wake up, I just ate the Green Mile, and the Gobbler, and I can't remember what the Green Mile tasted like.
Ben (Gobbler) - Cold chili, that wasn't very good to begin with, maybe with a bunch of salt in it too. Or, shitting in your sleep.
Daniel - Going to a kind of nice part of Mexico, it's probably going to be a pretty cheap vacation, maybe a little bit spicy 'cause you're in Mexico, but other than that it's just gonna be ok.
Isaac - Mediocre drunk food, I had 8 beers before I came here, I liked it but probably only because I was drunk.

Week Twenty-Nine

2009-08-10T19:23:00.000-07:00

Gobbler

Ben was not in attendance due to his anniversary and travel plans compressing possible Quest dates. Jenni and Alex stood in, and they did an admirable job. Oh, the burrito...Worst. Burrito. Ever. Or to date anyway.

Ingredients: Turkey, Ham, Veggies, Pico, and Cheese

Ratings:
Daniel - Going to the dentist, there's nothing good about this burrito.
Isaac - A steaming pile of shit.
Alex - Way worse than that hair in the back of my throat that I can't get rid of.
Jenni - A nasty roadside buffet in the middle of nowhere, like in Texarkana, it's Texarkana bad.

Week Twenty-Eight

2009-08-03T19:45:00.000-07:00

Eye Opener

The first bite was ok, but it got exponentially worse as we ate it. A burrito we universally disliked due to its greasiness. If you don't listen to this podcast, you won't be able to hear this burrito get rated as waking up in the same place you threw up. So do it! Ben's face in the picture tells the tale.

Ingredients: Sausage, Veggies, Green Chile, Egg, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Waking Up In The Same Place You Threw Up, you must have done something good to get there but...
Daniel - Doing Handyman Work Yourself and Discovering You Did a Bad Job, 'cause when you're doing it it's rewarding, but in the end all you made was a rewarding mess.
Isaac - Being an Asshole When You Don't Even Know It, and finding out later then owing someone money for it.
$teve - Cheetos, dangerously cheesy.

Week Twenty-Seven

2009-07-27T19:20:00.000-07:00

Extreme Relleno

We all liked this one a lot, but it was kinda greasy and drooled out of the burrito. $teve had to eat his with a fork, except he opted to not use a fork.

Ingredients: Relleno, Beans, Green Chile Meat, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - No Speed Limits...Montana.
Daniel - An Afterburner, I really like it.
Isaac - 1 Salsa Cup, didn't even need that one, and I used the salsa cup for flavor, not moisture.
$teve - 4 Napkins, messy but worth it.

Week Twenty-Six

2009-07-20T19:18:00.000-07:00

Extreme Chicken

Sage reprises his role on Burrito Quest to try to overcome the shame of his cell phone disaster last time. A very hefty, slightly spicy, burrito. What the eff is up with Sage's rating for this burrito?

Ingredients: Chicken, Rice, Potato, Salsa, Green Chile, Provolone, and (regular) Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - A Torpedo, from submarines, 'cause torpedoes are awesome. I liked it.
Daniel - Ski Jump, 'cause it's eXtreme, I wouldn't do the ski jump, but I'd watch it. It was ok, but too much, and I wouldn't get it again.
Isaac - Cardboard Pizza, you have the cardboard with delicious stuff on top of it but after a while you realize you are eating cardboard.
Sage - Extreme Bob Diesel, or Vin Diesel, it makes me think I'm sticking Vin Diesel in my mouth.

Week Twenty-Five

2009-07-16T19:20:00.000-07:00

El Gringo

Sage joins us from the Great Northwest for this bland, made-for-whiteys, burrito. We discuss burrito acclimation. And Ben agrees with Sage! Seriously, it's on there. Sage, the first person who's cell phone has rang on Burrito Quest.

Ingredients: Steak, Chicken, Beans, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - A Zeppelin, they're pretty cool.
Daniel - Generic pizza, it's not bad, but it's not good.
Isaac - A burrito from the Santa Fe Grill non-specialty menu, just a regular burrito.
Sage - Something you can get in Washington, like crappy Mexican food.

Week Twenty-Four

2009-07-06T19:32:00.000-07:00

El Bandito

Compared unfavorably to the Buddha, bbq sauce proves once again that it has no place in burritos. Ben disagrees with everyone about how bad this burrito because he can't taste the butt.

Ingredients: Chicken, Potato, Green Chile, Salsa, and BBQ Sauce

Ratings:
Ben - A Porcupine, a cool animal. Not better than the Afterburner, however.
Daniel - Yard work in the summer, it the hottest part of the day, it sucks.
Isaac - Dan's rating last week, a horrible burrito and possibly the worst we've had so far. I wouldn't eat it if it was free.
$teve - Floor scrapings burrito.

Week Twenty-Three

2009-06-29T19:30:00.000-07:00

Diablo's Relleno

The most divisive burrito so far, with possible deep throating. Plus Tony. There's no Mexican bacteria, but there was a black guy. Little orphan Annie accusations fly and Isaac allegedly rates the burrito at some point. Beer philosophy figures prominently.

Ingredients: Chicken, Relleno, Beans, Milanesa, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - The moon. I really like the moon and I'd go there tomorrow. Wait, this burrito is better than the moon because I can't go to the moon tomorrow but I can get this burrito.
Daniel - I wouldn't get it again, not even sure I am gonna pay you back for it. I'ma rate this an Old Milwaukee. I like beer but I don't like Old Milwaukee. No, I'm gonna rate it Milwaukee's Best, because actually Old Milwaukee is okay.
Isaac - If it was free I'd eat it. I would not eat one right after this, but I would freeze it.

Week Twenty-Two

2009-06-22T19:45:00.000-07:00

Devil's Breath

Beefy and spicy, this was a top tier burrito. Be warned that we comment on our general distrust of old white lady burritoristras. Also, I think Ben gets generally perturbed in this episode, a rare sight to behold.

Ingredients: Two Steak, Potatoes, Cheese, Pico, Salsa, and Green Chile

Ratings:
Ben - A Snowball, made of snow, not the one from Clerks, it's pretty cool (even cold) and you don't have one very often.
Daniel - Shotgun t-shirt from Threadless.com, not my favorite (that'd be the Adultery t-shirt) but still a great shirt.
Isaac - Dreadlocks, they look cool, but not on white guys, and on white women it just means they're easy, and on drugs.

Week Twenty-One

2009-06-21T14:23:00.000-07:00

Deer Hunter

The return of the Saac Man. Isaac returns from Ireland just in time to eat his favorite burrito from Santa Fe Grill. We get bbq sauce in lieu of some of the salsa cups. There's a fight about pronunciation of scones (sconns?). Ben was very late, and everyone hated for it. Specifically a very hungry Daniel.

Ingredients: Steak, Chicken, Green Chile, Milanesa, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - A plastic potted plant, I like them but they're not as good as a real plant.
Daniel - First meal of the day, because it's honest and I don't want to overrate it since it is my first meal of the day.
Isaac -A Jammy Dodger, a little cookie with jam in it. They got the jams...the cookie... I don't know what I was gonna say. Translates to pretty good.
Alex - It was an afternoon delight.

Week Twenty

2009-06-08T19:17:00.000-07:00

Combo Fajita

"This burrito was surprisingly tasty, so much so that I recommended it to [Isaac] when he returned from the United Kingdom. I would get this again. I would recommend this to friends and relatives. I have no pictures of this burrito. EAT IT. " - Ben

Ingredients: Steak, Chicken, Veggies, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Space marines, sometimes you're in the mood for space marines, like with Aliens, but Starship Troopers 2, no.
Daniel - A refreshing beer after a hard day's work on the yard, something light and refreshing, like a Bud Light, because that's when a Bud Light tastes the best.
$teve - Frozen apple pie, it's not like you cooked it yourself or ordered it at a restaurant, but it's still apple pie.

Week Nineteen

2009-06-01T19:39:00.000-07:00

Chicken Club

We narrowly avert Burrito Quest disaster when we discover the Chicken Club is a burrito and not a sandwich. $teve (and fam) begins his journey with us, standing in while Isaac was overseas, and sticking with it for longer than most would have. And it should be noted that $teve is a trained chef. That means his opinion means more, and he's hurting himself more by doing this, at the same time. I don't think we ever tell people what the ingredients were. WTF!

Ingredients:Chicken, Bacon, Green Chile, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Finding a dollar in your pants pocket, or on the ground. Somewhere between finding an empty cup to a cold Coke Zero on the ground.
Daniel - Hulk Hogan, as you eat it it gets better, like Hogan's comebacks in the wrestling wring. But then I don't really like wrestling, so that might put it in perspective.
$teve - A Jack-in-the-Box taco, pretty crunchy all around and it gets soggier as you get to the bottom.

Week Eighteen

2009-05-30T20:08:00.000-07:00

Burrito Too Far

Our first week whilst Isaac was traipsing around Ireland. Daniel's nephew Cameron joined us in his stead.

". . . like all burritos, this was 50% delicious and 50% disappointing. Steak, milanesa, relleno, cheese, egg, and 50% less swearing. You could have removed any one of the ingredients and created a finer food product. This burrito proves that there is such a thing as too much of a good thing, and also too much of a bad thing." - Ben

Ingredients: Steak, Relleno, Cheese, Egg, and Milanesa

Ratings:
Ben - Cupcakes. Where the frosting is really good. You eat the frosting off, and then you're left with this cupcake. Or Oreos. Oreos are good, but you could just eat the cream filling.
Daniel - Haggis in Ireland. If you didn't know any better, you'd think you're getting something authentic and awesome, but then, after you ate it, it probably wouldn't be as good as if you got it in Scotland.
Cameron - Burnt piece of toast. It's really crispy and it's too crispy.

Week Seventeen

2009-05-18T19:33:00.000-07:00

Burrito Stuffer

This burrito was overpriced for what you get. You'd be better off ordering just the Choice of... stuff listed below and having them add rice to it. Also, we discover that they inexplicably add corn to their rice. There is much excitement over the possibility of putting grits in burritos. Also, Daniel gets indignant over Sonic breakfast casserole in a tortilla.

Ingredients: Rice, Cheese, and Choice of Green Chile Meat, Green Chile Pork, or Red Chile Pork

Ratings:
Ben - Star Trek. I went into it with high expectations and I got exactly what I wanted. Fuck Jean-Claude Van Damme.
Daniel - A Hubble with the first fix, it went well beyond its lifespan, then they fixed it again and it's even better, but it's not that good. Fuck yeah, dude!
Isaac - Jean-Claude Van Damme in Blood Sport. Because I don't really like Van Damme, but when Bloodsport is on, surprisingly, I like Bloodsport. I'll watch it, and I'll enjoy it. There's a lot of naked bitches.

Week Sixteen

2009-05-12T19:32:00.000-07:00

Buddha

An awful burrito. The burritos were cold when we got them, which we were pretty sure they were not meant to be. Also, bbq sauce has no place in a burrito. According to everyone but Ben, who's some kind of wishy-washy asshole.

Ingredients: Chicken, Potato, Salsa, BBQ Sauce, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Roller Coaster, or Stop and Go Traffic, or Not Having Air Conditioning in Your Car. I'm not liking this burrito the more I eat it. Wait, I'd order this burrito again.
Daniel - Grape nuts, when you were expecting Fruity Pebbles. Lousy like this burrito.
Isaac - Having to take showers at a gym, you don't wanna cause there's all sorts of dudes in there, but you have to cause you're stinky.

Week Fifteen

2009-05-08T12:27:00.000-07:00

Brunch

The finale of the Breakfast Trek. We discuss Isaac's impending departure from the country and how that will affect the Quest. Also, fyi, Burrito Quest is not a contest. Heh, Daniel misnames a burrito, "The Burrito Too Fat."

Ingredients: Steak, Potato, Egg, Green Chile, and Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Like three weeks ago, I don't remember three weeks ago. I've already forgotten this burrito.
Daniel - 80 degrees in my house, not really good but better than being 90 degrees in my house.
Isaac - Humpday, Wednesday, it's closer to the weekend but it's not Friday.

Week Fourteen

2009-04-27T19:30:00.000-07:00

Breakfast Nightmare

Third week of the Breakfast Trek. Alex cameos for the second time. Ben advocates for Cock Quest and we immediately reject it. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Alex wrecks an English accent.

Ingredients: Potato, Egg, Salsa, Pico, Choice of Ham, Sausage, Chorizo, or Bacon

Ratings:
Ben - A Surprise Cold Soda, or a Stapler that has Stapler in it, or Getting into your car and having a full tank of gas.
Daniel - Cocoa Puffs, I don't like 'em that much but they're pretty good occasionally.
Isaac - Wet Dream, I could wake up and not have had one, but I did. Solid Wet Dream.
Alex - Solid 7/10, versus a soft 7/10. Limp burros never taste good.

Week Thirteen

2009-04-24T19:37:00.000-07:00

Breakfast Dream
We are joined on this Friday Burrito Quest by Ben's wife, Amy. She opted out of the Breakfast Dream. This was the first burrito in which we had a choice of meats. Ben made an executive decision to just get chorizo. I disagree and thought it should have been grab bag; three choices and the luck of the draw. Ben tries to steal everyone else's ratings.

Ingredients: Potatoes, Egg, Chees, Choice of Bacon, Ham, Sausage, or Chorizo

Ratings:
Ben - One small pancake, because if there were two pancakes I'd rather eat that. Or having a couple of friends, one of which doesn't judge you.
Daniel - One salsa cup, it needed the salsa but the salsa didn't detract from the flavor it enhanced it.
Isaac - B, for butts.

Image courtesy of http://onecreativegirl.blogspot.com/

Week Twelve

2009-04-13T19:47:00.000-07:00

Breakfast Bomber

The first burrito in our month long Breakfast Trek. It's a good start to that trek. Lots of flavor, hearty, and not too breakfast-y. Isaac tries to rape Ben's burrito. The idea of Drunken Burrito Quest is broached. Also Ben's rating is some kind of imaginary feeling.

Ingredients: Steak, Chorizo, Bacon, Potatoes, Eggs, Beans, Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - A Good Sequel, 'cause you were expecting the sequel to be bad, but it turned out good. Or maybe Coke Zero.
Daniel - Life Cereal, I like Life Cereal, it's a good staple, and it's delicious, but it's no Honey Bunches of Oats.
Isaac - Stephen King, he puts out a lot of stuff that's hit or miss, but when he hits, he hits.

Week Eleven

2009-04-06T19:46:00.000-07:00

Big Red
"Fuck. This was. . . fuck. It was kind of a vaguely disappointing disaster. The meat was flavorless and indistinct. It might have been pork. It might have been chicken. Who knows? The beans were excessive, and smeared together to make the whole burrito taste like a bad bean burrito. The potatoes were mushy and also indistinct. It might have been beans. It might have been potato. Who knows? All in all, kind of lame and sad, but also basic and a staple. I'd love this burrito if I had previously drunk four beers. Also, [Isaac] showed up drunk, hit me, tried to throw sugary popcorn at the diabetic dog, and went around the house looking for gay Mexicans he could watch Twilight with. Solid 3." - Ben

Ingredients: Red Chile Pork, Beans, Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - 4 beers before I really like this burrito.
Daniel - Driving home from work; I'm not at work, but I'm commuting, right there in the middle.
Isaac - Afternoon Delight, it's unexpected even though it's what you do every night...or morning.

Week Ten

2009-03-30T19:12:00.000-07:00

Big Daddy
“This was the Big Asada + Guac. It was pretty good, but it might just have been good because it wasn't the Big D, which we ate on Saturday. Ugh. The Guac really enhanced the steak - and salsa really makes this burrito a success. I wanted another as soon as I finished it. I give this burrito a solid thumbs up.” - Ben

Ingredients: 3 Steak, Pico, Potato, Cheese, Guacamole

Ratings:
Ben - Solid handshake (or maybe handjob), I appreciate that I had it and I’d have another given my druthers.
Daniel - Ballcap, better than a visor but not as good as cowboy hat for shade.
Isaac - Sunny but windy day, it’s kind of windy so your allergies are getting activated, but it’s still sunny, and you could fly a kite.

Week Nine

2009-03-28T11:43:00.000-07:00

Big D
“This was a bad burrito. It was just. . . man. Chicken and potato go together like a kindergarten class and ten vats of lard. It's just fucking awful. I would eat this burrito if I was starving, but only then. The burritos the guy was making while he made this one were ham, egg, cheese, and green chile, and I wish we had just eaten those instead.” - Ben

Ingredients: Chicken, Bacon, Potato, Pico, Egg, Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - Apples, most of the time I don’t want to eat one. (2.5/5)
Daniel - Hard-backed folding chair, not too comfortable but better than sitting on the ground.
Isaac - Chicken pox, we’ve all had it but it wasn’t too bad.
Jenni - 6/10

Week Eight

2009-03-17T19:11:00.000-07:00

Big Chief
“This burrito shocked me. The ingredients blended together in a creamy embrace of chicken and steak, with the rice and pico double-teaming the meat for a milenasa explosion. This thing was bulging with flavor, and the cheese mattered. We touched burritos for one brief moment, and then it was gone.” - Ben

Ingredients: Steak, Chicken, Pico, Rice, Milanesa, Cheese

Ratings:
Ben - 4/5, Sore Throat
Daniel - Common Cold
Isaac - 6/10, Common Cold